It really amazes me how life can throw a curve ball. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of changes and emotional rollercoasters. My mom-in-law went to the hospital with pain in her leg only to discover she has advanced bone cancer with spots in her lung and kidney. While in the hospital she fell and broke her pelvis because of the drugs she was on. Watching this woman go from a vibrant grandmother to a frail little old lady has been very hard. She is dying, there is no denying it and she is not strong enough to make it through chemo. Keeping her comfortable is the best they can do now, so very sad.
I finished out my summer classes with A's amidst all the commotion to my suprise. I received a job offer from a previous employer that suprised me. They are creating a new position and called me to ask if I was interested, I was very flattered by this. We had a meeting and I accepted the offer and start next week, I took a couple weeks off to finish school and deal with the mom-in-law situation.
So, while I try to wrap my head around starting a new job, the sadness of watching someone die, signing up for fall night classes because I am so close to graduating, I wonder how people handle it all. This emotional roller coaster of sadness, anxiety, and anger. I am starting to understand the concept of Prozac now even though I have never had it. Being strong for my husband and his family is first on my list, the rest will fall into place, I hope.
The Viewing
Posted in dead body, death, life, viewing
Like a buffet, the people were lined up waiting their turn. I stood next to a fake plant across the room and quietly watched, absorbing the experience. I listened to the comments on how “peaceful” he looked or that he “looked good”. I wanted to tell them he’s dead, and no one looks good when they are dead, but remained mute.
A nearby bench was filled with old women with their permed hair and large purses, some even had canes. The smell of their perfume mixing into a pungent distortion that almost made you feel light headed as you passed by. They spoke to one another in quiet whispers about their current health ailments, eyes searching for sympathy. It almost seemed to be a contest of who was in more pain.
I watched my husband across the room talking with others and shaking hands, feeling a bit guilty for being a pansy. I patiently waited and smiled a nod at those who came near me while keeping my eye on my husband and a place I couldn’t bring myself to go, near the casket.
I had never met my husband’s uncle and felt no malice towards him alive or dead, but I did have problems with dead bodies in general. They creep me out and make me horribly sad at the same time; I found it is better just to stay away from them completely.
More hands shaken and back pats as my husband made his way through the clusters of well wishers, eventually ending next to me. Condolences had been given, he had shaken the right hands, and we could now go home.
A nearby bench was filled with old women with their permed hair and large purses, some even had canes. The smell of their perfume mixing into a pungent distortion that almost made you feel light headed as you passed by. They spoke to one another in quiet whispers about their current health ailments, eyes searching for sympathy. It almost seemed to be a contest of who was in more pain.
I watched my husband across the room talking with others and shaking hands, feeling a bit guilty for being a pansy. I patiently waited and smiled a nod at those who came near me while keeping my eye on my husband and a place I couldn’t bring myself to go, near the casket.
I had never met my husband’s uncle and felt no malice towards him alive or dead, but I did have problems with dead bodies in general. They creep me out and make me horribly sad at the same time; I found it is better just to stay away from them completely.
More hands shaken and back pats as my husband made his way through the clusters of well wishers, eventually ending next to me. Condolences had been given, he had shaken the right hands, and we could now go home.
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