Life Series

So it is Friday evening and I have the house to myself, hubby is out helping a friend. The dvd player is loaded with 'Sex and the City' discs, a large bowl of warm popcorn awaits on the coffee table, and Samson is next to me on the couch. Ugh! When did I get so boring? I guess it is when I became to money challenged to go out, but that would not be entirely true. The bar scene generally bores me around here and I am to old to dress like a tramp and go clubbing, not that I would do that in the first place.

Having very little life of my own at the moment I shall relish in watching someone elses. I will cry when their heart breaks and laugh when they make a joke, wondering all along how they will solve their life's issues. Now if I could just figure out how to solve all of my life's issues in a couple hours that would be great.

Predicting Bad Luck

Do you believe people have a sixth sense? Wednesday I spent the day with an anxiety attack. My stomach had the butterflies and my nerves were on end and I had no idea why I felt like that, I thought maybe I was starting to have a melt down. I ended up going to bed early in the extra bedroom and stared in the darkness wondering what the heck was wrong with me. I intermittently slept throughout the night but woke the next day feeling better.

Thursday was an average day and all seemed to be well, although a few butterflies still flitted. When hubby returned home from work his news was not good, he was laid off. Fortunately his layoff is only temporary, until it gets cold enough to make snow, but that looks to be weeks away. That is when I understood my panic, another layoff in the house, this is going to suck. My panic has melted away today giving me hope that things will be fine in the end.

I don’t claim to have ESP or anything like that. My feelings Wednesday could have had nothing to do with Thursday, but maybe they did. What if I did have a premonition but did not realize what it was?

We all have different views on ESP or any kind of mind control. I like to think that there are people who have a little ESP, or even telekinesis. The idea amuses me that we all have the ability to do these things, but only a few figures out how. I suppose some could be born with a stronger ability than others, like a lot of physical traits.

I am not sure I will ever know the answer to these questions, but it doesn’t matter. Hopefully my next premonition will be next week’s lottery numbers so I don’t have to panic about a layoff, but I won’t hold my breath.

Defiance of Age

Nobody told me there would be days like this; John Lennon sure had that right. Getting old sucks! There, I said it. My body is rebelling against the way it was treated in my youth, which really wasn’t bad at all. Besides new hormones that like to bang on the door without notice, my muscles are trying to abandon me. Granted these are muscles that I have previously not been nice to. (e.g. tearing and spraining).

I try apologizing with a heating pad, Icy Hot, or a hot bath. This satisfies them temporarily, but then they are right back to complaining. I perform exercises to help make them youthful again and that really pisses them off, the complaints commencing on a grander scale. I did not take the proper care when they were originally injured and am now paying the price for ‘toughing it out’.

I shall not give up though. I will prove to them that their complaining will not slow me down right now. It is called Tylenol, or whatever is in my medicine cabinet at the time. Perhaps they will never have the stature of their youth again, but all effort will not be lost.

As far as the hormones go, I wish I knew. All I can say is make me a Cosmo with a couple Midol on the side or get the f#$% out of my sight. Fortunately I have never had to say this as hubby knows when to leave me alone. Maybe it’s the way he gazes into my glowing red eyes and instantly gets that ‘oh shit’ look , understanding this may not be the time to discuss my vices. He will quietly back out of the room with the dog in tow, seeking sanctuary elsewhere. What a great guy.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. – George Carlin

Escape (Not The Pina Colada Song)

Samson and I escaped today. Ok, maybe not the whole day, but for a few hours. Feeling sadness set in after paying for car repairs I decided that we should go somewhere and enjoy the very pleasant day. (60 deg in November?) We made our way through the twists and turns to Sturgeon Bay. It was beautiful and not a soul around. We had free reign of the miles of beach and dunes. The wind was a bit brisk at times making me wish I had a warmer coat, but when we changed directions it was at my back and easier to deal with.

We spent over an hour walking the beach and it made me feel so much better. Samson splashed in the water, not going deep because of the waves and it had to be cold. (brrr) With no leash to hold him back he relished in running the dunes and checking out all the smells his nose picked up while not straying beyond my sight. Armed with a camera, he became my target as my fun became watching him frolic in the sand and water.

I am glad we went and enjoyed the sun and beach; it was just what I needed. Sometimes life just feels crappy and it takes a little cost-free adventure like that to put it back in perspective. Now I can go back to cleaning house and paying bills and all that normal stuff without cringing quite so much. At least I won the football pool this week.

Alas Poor Me, I Knew Her Well

Today I feel frustrated and want pity even though I know I don’t deserve it. Frustration gets to everyone I guess and maybe today is my turn. I really have nothing to gripe about either, this is what is so stupid about it. I don’t have a job, but we are not destitute, yet. We have cut back on expenses to help, but I feel like I could have been better prepared. Why does it take some of us so long to figure things out in life?

I am not a follow through person, I realize that now. I have a hard time finishing anything and I don’t know why. I could get into a bunch of psychological baloney but I would probably lose interest. I am not sure when I became this way or if I always was this way, hard to tell at this point. It is nobody’s fault but my own. Don’t you wish more people would say that?

I was the one who made all the decisions in my life when I left home, whether good or bad. I had fun along the way and managed not to get thrown in jail, yet. Things did not always turn out like I had hoped, but it could have been worse. The person we are now reflects who we were and where we have been, or does it? What about the people who completely change their lifestyle to better themselves, the ones that go from felon to finding God. They claim to be a new person, but are they? Can you truly leave your past behind and enter the future unscathed?

So I may whine and wail, but I know it is all in vain. The past is the past and I will try not to let it mold my future. I have a wonderful husband, a great and loyal dog, and two loving cats. Add a roof over our heads and food in the pantry what more could I really need? Oh yeah, something to keep my short attention span busy.

Building Blocks

There is nothing like completing something you weren’t sure you could do in the first place. The other day I used a skill saw for the first time and built a gate for my fence. The skill saw was my ex’s and has been sitting in the closet for years waiting for use. I have used a power drill but that has been the extent of my power tool usage.

I measured and cut, screwing the boards together in frame form with wire fence for filler. Hanging it on the post with the hinges was a bit harder but I managed to get it done with a little ingenuity. The finishing touch was a silver latch that works perfectly. As simple as it sounds I am still proud that I accomplished building something all by myself, makes me want to buy a tool belt. :)

The next day I cleaned up and old microwave cart and made it into movable kitchen cart. I had a large maple block cutting board given to me and set that on the top, putting that rubber stuff that keeps rugs from sliding in between to keep the board from sliding. The board is heavy and it worked great. I lined my cookbooks on the first shelf and put some miscellaneous on the bottom shelf. A small towel rack on the side will finish it off as soon as I get one.

Who knows where this sudden creativity comes from but it has been keeping my busy. I am going with it as I know it won’t last too long, it never does. So that is what I have been up to while I still wait to hear about the college program, let’s hope it will be this month. Otherwise I am off to see what else I can construct or deconstruct.

The Light part 3

What I see is white, like an all white room. I push my head in a little further and feel my body being sucked through. It only takes a second and now I am standing in the infinite whiteness. What the heck is this? I see nothing but white, no walls or ceilings, nothing. The smell of vanilla is still in the air but I don’t mind, I like vanilla. It is so quiet I swear I can hear my heartbeat. I walk a few steps, not hearing my footfalls. I feel my heartbeat slow as my body starts to calm even though I think I should be scared. Why couldn’t this have lead to Tahiti? I pace around absentmindedly thinking of pictures I have seen of Tahiti and wondering what I should do next. A familiar sound of lapping water starts and is slowly getting louder. That is the sound of waves when I have visited the ocean, I can smell the salt from the water. Blue materializes over head and sand forms at my feet. My skin warms from the brilliant sun as my surroundings change to tropical. I look up and see a sign that says Le Meridien Resort, Tahiti. Holy shit! That was the picture I was just thinking of. I look back and see the small white light on a palm tree that is set back off the pathway to the resort. I step back to the light and stick my head in and am immediately sucked back to the maple tree in the back yard. I go back in the light and think of The Mirage at Las Vegas; sure enough I am taken there. The light is again in a tree that is set slightly off a pathway. I go to the light and am transferred back to the maple tree. This time I go to the house and grab a small suitcase with nothing in it. I step to the light and put my head in while holding the suitcase. I feel the suction and appear in the white room with the suitcase still in my hand. How cool is this. Looking at my watch I see that hubby should be home anytime. I go back through the light and to the house, waiting in excitement to tell him about the light. I still wonder where it came from, how long it will last, and why it is here. I guess we will figure that soon enough, I just wish he would hurry up and get home.