It was a day

You ever ask someone how their day was and they reply with "It was a day.", usually said with a heavy sigh. Well,of course it was "a day", everyone had one. Although the sigh was an excellent form of body language, why leave out the adjective to finish the story? It was a bad day, a shitty day, a fucked up beyond reason day. How hard is that?

Although I am not an English major, I often scowl at the use of our language. Have we become so rushed that people expect others to understand their half-ass attempt at conveying a message?

I can blame the new generation, but that just makes me sound old. There will always be something wrong with the current generation according to the previous generation. I have to wonder if the previous generation is right to some degree though.

Has all this new technology made us more stupid? We have more mobile technology than ever and it is exciting and scary. Remember the days of watching TV, when there was only one in the house? How about before there were computers in the house? (Yes, I am old). We were forced to use a device called our imagination, although sometimes we just beat the hell out of each other for kicks. No pansy's allowed back then.

I love technology. I love the internet and my Macbook, and have developed a deep relationship with them. I enjoy TV shows, but don't watch too many anymore due to the over abundance of annoying fucking reality shows. Again, no imagination involved in the making of that stupid shit. (I would love to bitch slap the people that came up with Honey Boo Boo, actually I would rather slap them upside the cranium with a baseball bat.)

Where will we go from here? How much more can we cut to make things quicker? I am guessing the next step will be mind reading, I mean what is quicker than that? Shooting telepathic thoughts to one another, our brain waves mingling with all the electronic signals in the air. Sexting could be taken to a whole new level, wink wink nudge nudge.

As we learn to start controlling our thoughts for the future, pick up a book once in awhile and turn that damn picture box off. Let your brain work it's magic, creating images in your mind as the words roll through. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

My Beloved Samson

     It is almost the start of another new year, where does the time go? Those old people that tell you it goes faster when you get older are not kidding. It feels like the past 10 years have gone by in the blink of an eye.
    This year ended on a sad note. My beloved Samson passed away at the end of November quite unexpectedly. He was 10 years old and still had so much puppy in him, but his body decided otherwise. It was a complete "Marley & Me" moment as I cradled his head while the Doctor administered the fatal shot to put him at rest. I cried and cried, and still continue to cry. I lost my best friend and it will forever break my heart.
    We buried him in the field where he loved to run. I even made a headstone with a large chunk of stone and a Dremmel. JC (the cat) and I would walk out to his grave and I would tell him what had been going on and how much I missed him. After a few trips, JC jumped on the headstone and rubbed his head all over it. He misses him too.
    The new year brings a new life as we start over without Samson. Although it has been suggested that acquiring a new dog will help me heal, I cannot begin to fathom another dog in my life. I would rather remember him rather than replace him.
   If anybody is reading this and your pet is anywhere near you, hug them, pet them, kiss them, but don't ever take them for granted. I am thankful for all the good times Samson and I had together, but I wish there could have been more.
   For the coming new year, I wish the best for all animals and their owners, but mostly I wish for the strength to remember Samson without tears.

Sanity? No thanks.

Wow. August is almost over. I can see all those summer plans fading with each sunset. I feel like all I did was work, sleep, eat, and work some more. I am whining, but let’s face it, working sucks. I apparently wasn’t a smart girl in figuring how to marry a rich fella, or that maybe I should have had a litter of kids and show them off on TV. I have this nagging little thing called pride, it is a bitch sometimes. I am also a bit of a chicken. I have grand ideas of things I would like to do, but lack the conviction to follow through. I did conquer a few things like graduating college and getting certified in scuba, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. Here I am starting my *cough* 40’s *cough*, with the dreams of a 20 year old and the brain of a middle aged woman. My free side says “let’s just do it!”, and my older side says “we should think about the consequences more”. Basically I feel a bit like the Alice Cooper song “Eighteen”, because I just don’t know what I want. I am scared to change life, but I am also scared that if I don’t try I will regret it for the next 30 years. I have to wonder why my ambition came into the game so late. This would have been so much easier to deal with 20 years ago, but I didn’t know what I wanted then either. Face it, I am screwed until I stop thinking.

Class

Is it crazy to go back to college at 40? Is it crazy to think of complete career changes at 40? I get mixed reviews on such a difficult decision. If you have over 20 years left of working, is it ok to consider making drastic changes? I have been floating the idea of going back to college around in my brain, letting it soak and slosh in the waves. I am drawn to the idea of learning something new that I would greatly enjoy, then the cost slaps my dream back down to reality. Do I want to be in that much debt at such a late age? I am taking one class this fall, paying out-of-pocket of course. I already have a small amount of student loans from getting my AAS and worry about adding more. I attend a small community college that is affordable considering the cost of a university, but eventually I know I will have to move on for a continued education. This is where the dilemma steps in. I believe everyone is entitled to higher education. The problem is the cost of a higher education, is it worth the degree? That is the question, how much is a degree worth? Unfortunately, I am one of those people that doesn't qualify for financial aid, besides the loans of course. I made the choice of not having kids while out of wedlock and my husband and I work full time jobs. We don't make a lot of money, but apparently more than what qualifies for a few dollars thrown my way to continue my education. I will have plenty to weigh as I attempt to answer the question, to learn or not to learn. Education is a great thing, but at what cost?

I'm Back

I made it back to my blog after a long absence. Life keeps changing and keeping me busy. I did get my scuba certification last summer, unfortunately I have been too busy to use it yet this summer. I graduated college in May with an AAS. I know everyone has one, but it took so long I was proud to finally get it done. I am taking another class this fall, biology. I know, a glutton for punishment. Are we ever really too old to learn? I hope not. I have this constant little ray of hope inside me that if I keep working hard enough, eventually I will find out what I want to do with my life. I like my current job, even though it runs me ragged, but I can't see doing it for the next 30 years. I am classified as a dreamer. I want more out of life than just getting married, having a house, and 2.5 kids. I want satisfaction in what I am doing. I want to make a difference somehow. I wasted so many years of my life thinking I wasn't going to do any better because no one ever told me I could. It's hard to realize this later in life, and to learn if from someone other than your family. I don't blame my family for me not setting larger goals or doing more with my life. I come from a long line of laborers whose life was raising a family the best they could with very little. They were survivors and taught me how to survive when things get tough. I feel fortunate as I don't know many people anymore with that kind of information. So in my quest to keep dreaming, I wanted to start writing again and this blog was silently waiting for a breath of life to revive it. Writing helps me sort out those thoughts that twirl in my head like clothes in a dryer, a therapy of sorts. In the last couple of years I have lost family members and pets, found new insights, and lost old fears. Time moves on and if we don't evolve with it, we will get lost. I am evolving, updating my software so to speak. I am still the same silly girl, but with a bit more silliness mixed with a litte more craziness, and hopefully a little more zen.