Sanity? No thanks.

Wow. August is almost over. I can see all those summer plans fading with each sunset. I feel like all I did was work, sleep, eat, and work some more. I am whining, but let’s face it, working sucks. I apparently wasn’t a smart girl in figuring how to marry a rich fella, or that maybe I should have had a litter of kids and show them off on TV. I have this nagging little thing called pride, it is a bitch sometimes. I am also a bit of a chicken. I have grand ideas of things I would like to do, but lack the conviction to follow through. I did conquer a few things like graduating college and getting certified in scuba, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. Here I am starting my *cough* 40’s *cough*, with the dreams of a 20 year old and the brain of a middle aged woman. My free side says “let’s just do it!”, and my older side says “we should think about the consequences more”. Basically I feel a bit like the Alice Cooper song “Eighteen”, because I just don’t know what I want. I am scared to change life, but I am also scared that if I don’t try I will regret it for the next 30 years. I have to wonder why my ambition came into the game so late. This would have been so much easier to deal with 20 years ago, but I didn’t know what I wanted then either. Face it, I am screwed until I stop thinking.