It was a day

You ever ask someone how their day was and they reply with "It was a day.", usually said with a heavy sigh. Well,of course it was "a day", everyone had one. Although the sigh was an excellent form of body language, why leave out the adjective to finish the story? It was a bad day, a shitty day, a fucked up beyond reason day. How hard is that?

Although I am not an English major, I often scowl at the use of our language. Have we become so rushed that people expect others to understand their half-ass attempt at conveying a message?

I can blame the new generation, but that just makes me sound old. There will always be something wrong with the current generation according to the previous generation. I have to wonder if the previous generation is right to some degree though.

Has all this new technology made us more stupid? We have more mobile technology than ever and it is exciting and scary. Remember the days of watching TV, when there was only one in the house? How about before there were computers in the house? (Yes, I am old). We were forced to use a device called our imagination, although sometimes we just beat the hell out of each other for kicks. No pansy's allowed back then.

I love technology. I love the internet and my Macbook, and have developed a deep relationship with them. I enjoy TV shows, but don't watch too many anymore due to the over abundance of annoying fucking reality shows. Again, no imagination involved in the making of that stupid shit. (I would love to bitch slap the people that came up with Honey Boo Boo, actually I would rather slap them upside the cranium with a baseball bat.)

Where will we go from here? How much more can we cut to make things quicker? I am guessing the next step will be mind reading, I mean what is quicker than that? Shooting telepathic thoughts to one another, our brain waves mingling with all the electronic signals in the air. Sexting could be taken to a whole new level, wink wink nudge nudge.

As we learn to start controlling our thoughts for the future, pick up a book once in awhile and turn that damn picture box off. Let your brain work it's magic, creating images in your mind as the words roll through. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

My Beloved Samson

     It is almost the start of another new year, where does the time go? Those old people that tell you it goes faster when you get older are not kidding. It feels like the past 10 years have gone by in the blink of an eye.
    This year ended on a sad note. My beloved Samson passed away at the end of November quite unexpectedly. He was 10 years old and still had so much puppy in him, but his body decided otherwise. It was a complete "Marley & Me" moment as I cradled his head while the Doctor administered the fatal shot to put him at rest. I cried and cried, and still continue to cry. I lost my best friend and it will forever break my heart.
    We buried him in the field where he loved to run. I even made a headstone with a large chunk of stone and a Dremmel. JC (the cat) and I would walk out to his grave and I would tell him what had been going on and how much I missed him. After a few trips, JC jumped on the headstone and rubbed his head all over it. He misses him too.
    The new year brings a new life as we start over without Samson. Although it has been suggested that acquiring a new dog will help me heal, I cannot begin to fathom another dog in my life. I would rather remember him rather than replace him.
   If anybody is reading this and your pet is anywhere near you, hug them, pet them, kiss them, but don't ever take them for granted. I am thankful for all the good times Samson and I had together, but I wish there could have been more.
   For the coming new year, I wish the best for all animals and their owners, but mostly I wish for the strength to remember Samson without tears.

Sanity? No thanks.

Wow. August is almost over. I can see all those summer plans fading with each sunset. I feel like all I did was work, sleep, eat, and work some more. I am whining, but let’s face it, working sucks. I apparently wasn’t a smart girl in figuring how to marry a rich fella, or that maybe I should have had a litter of kids and show them off on TV. I have this nagging little thing called pride, it is a bitch sometimes. I am also a bit of a chicken. I have grand ideas of things I would like to do, but lack the conviction to follow through. I did conquer a few things like graduating college and getting certified in scuba, but I still feel like I haven’t done enough. Here I am starting my *cough* 40’s *cough*, with the dreams of a 20 year old and the brain of a middle aged woman. My free side says “let’s just do it!”, and my older side says “we should think about the consequences more”. Basically I feel a bit like the Alice Cooper song “Eighteen”, because I just don’t know what I want. I am scared to change life, but I am also scared that if I don’t try I will regret it for the next 30 years. I have to wonder why my ambition came into the game so late. This would have been so much easier to deal with 20 years ago, but I didn’t know what I wanted then either. Face it, I am screwed until I stop thinking.

Class

Is it crazy to go back to college at 40? Is it crazy to think of complete career changes at 40? I get mixed reviews on such a difficult decision. If you have over 20 years left of working, is it ok to consider making drastic changes? I have been floating the idea of going back to college around in my brain, letting it soak and slosh in the waves. I am drawn to the idea of learning something new that I would greatly enjoy, then the cost slaps my dream back down to reality. Do I want to be in that much debt at such a late age? I am taking one class this fall, paying out-of-pocket of course. I already have a small amount of student loans from getting my AAS and worry about adding more. I attend a small community college that is affordable considering the cost of a university, but eventually I know I will have to move on for a continued education. This is where the dilemma steps in. I believe everyone is entitled to higher education. The problem is the cost of a higher education, is it worth the degree? That is the question, how much is a degree worth? Unfortunately, I am one of those people that doesn't qualify for financial aid, besides the loans of course. I made the choice of not having kids while out of wedlock and my husband and I work full time jobs. We don't make a lot of money, but apparently more than what qualifies for a few dollars thrown my way to continue my education. I will have plenty to weigh as I attempt to answer the question, to learn or not to learn. Education is a great thing, but at what cost?

I'm Back

I made it back to my blog after a long absence. Life keeps changing and keeping me busy. I did get my scuba certification last summer, unfortunately I have been too busy to use it yet this summer. I graduated college in May with an AAS. I know everyone has one, but it took so long I was proud to finally get it done. I am taking another class this fall, biology. I know, a glutton for punishment. Are we ever really too old to learn? I hope not. I have this constant little ray of hope inside me that if I keep working hard enough, eventually I will find out what I want to do with my life. I like my current job, even though it runs me ragged, but I can't see doing it for the next 30 years. I am classified as a dreamer. I want more out of life than just getting married, having a house, and 2.5 kids. I want satisfaction in what I am doing. I want to make a difference somehow. I wasted so many years of my life thinking I wasn't going to do any better because no one ever told me I could. It's hard to realize this later in life, and to learn if from someone other than your family. I don't blame my family for me not setting larger goals or doing more with my life. I come from a long line of laborers whose life was raising a family the best they could with very little. They were survivors and taught me how to survive when things get tough. I feel fortunate as I don't know many people anymore with that kind of information. So in my quest to keep dreaming, I wanted to start writing again and this blog was silently waiting for a breath of life to revive it. Writing helps me sort out those thoughts that twirl in my head like clothes in a dryer, a therapy of sorts. In the last couple of years I have lost family members and pets, found new insights, and lost old fears. Time moves on and if we don't evolve with it, we will get lost. I am evolving, updating my software so to speak. I am still the same silly girl, but with a bit more silliness mixed with a litte more craziness, and hopefully a little more zen.

Moving on

I have been absent from the blogger world for awhile, experiences of life keeping me at bay. My mom-in-law died August 18th at a Hospice house, she left quietly when no one was looking. We all said goodbye to her as she lay in bed, tears streaking our faces as we said our final thoughts to her. This was very hard for me as I don't do well with sickness or dead bodies, I avoid visitations with open caskets at all costs.
She was Catholic and the family proceeded to have a long, drawn out catholic visititation, rosary, funeral, grave side, and luncheon. I now think that catholics may be masochists, I mean how many times can you say goodbye and go through the sorrow.
During all this I started a job and another sememster at school. My time is filled with working 40+ hours a week, two classes at night, and an endless supply of homework. Toss in my best friends wedding in September, a suprise 50th anniversary party for my parents in October, and you have one girl who is busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.
One day I will finish these quests and take time to myself, for now I hope to have time to sneak peeks at those blogs I miss reading.

Life can change so fast...

It really amazes me how life can throw a curve ball. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of changes and emotional rollercoasters. My mom-in-law went to the hospital with pain in her leg only to discover she has advanced bone cancer with spots in her lung and kidney. While in the hospital she fell and broke her pelvis because of the drugs she was on. Watching this woman go from a vibrant grandmother to a frail little old lady has been very hard. She is dying, there is no denying it and she is not strong enough to make it through chemo. Keeping her comfortable is the best they can do now, so very sad.

I finished out my summer classes with A's amidst all the commotion to my suprise. I received a job offer from a previous employer that suprised me. They are creating a new position and called me to ask if I was interested, I was very flattered by this. We had a meeting and I accepted the offer and start next week, I took a couple weeks off to finish school and deal with the mom-in-law situation.

So, while I try to wrap my head around starting a new job, the sadness of watching someone die, signing up for fall night classes because I am so close to graduating, I wonder how people handle it all. This emotional roller coaster of sadness, anxiety, and anger. I am starting to understand the concept of Prozac now even though I have never had it. Being strong for my husband and his family is first on my list, the rest will fall into place, I hope.

Catching Up

So I have been busy, apparently for at least a month since my last post. I finished the last semester on a good note of making the Dean’s List. I had a few weeks in between semesters I thought would be slow, not! Between doing favors for everyone and volunteering a couple days a week the last few weeks flew by, I was looking forward to school starting again so I could slow back down.

Yesterday was my first class, government. Boring. The class is three hours long twice a week and most of it is the professor talking and he doesn’t exactly have a captivating voice. I will now take coffee to class to keep awake.

My other class is on-line through the college, Marketing. Again, boring. I have never done an on-line class so this will at least be interesting in that aspect. He has something due every day so there will be no slacking in this class, I just hope I understand it.

Along with all the other my hubby and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary yesterday. We stayed home and grilled a yummy filet mignon, asparagus, and crab cake meal. He even bought me roses, what a sweetie! It is funny to think of how much has changed in the past year and how fast it went. We really are late-bloomers, lol.

I am hoping to get back on track for the next few months, I have also missed reading my favorite other bloggers and need to catch up on their stuff, especially Hunter, The Vegetable Assassin, and Nooter. See you guys in a bit.

Library

So here I am, sitting in the beautiful library I have come to know and love the past few months, pondering how much I will actually get here this summer. I will have to make time to visit occasionally, I don’t want it to forget me after spending so much time here. I am taking classes this summer, but only one will be at the school. This library has become a dear friend and kept me company with seemingly limitless books and quiet time to work, I shall miss our daily visits.

Will it know when I visit my other library, will it be jealous? No worries, I will be back soon good friend.

Distractions

Ok, here we go, I am ready to read this chapter for accounting. The full

disclosure principle calls for financial reporting (another hangnail?) of any

financial facts significant (that girl’s shoes are cute) enough to influence the

judgment of an informed reader. (Fat boys in shirts on the beach, ha ha, damn

you Hunter) In some situations, the benefits of disclosure (I wonder what the

best beach is to find shells?) not as apparent. (I wonder if anyone is on

Facebook?) For example, recently the SEC (to hell with this, I will do it later)

Swimming in work

Busy. That would describe me lately. The last few weeks of the semester is looming and all the teachers like to see just how much crap they can load on you before the end. I feel like I am either studying at home, the library, or in my sleep. You would think I would be brilliant by now, but not so much. I did sign up for a couple summer classes though, might as well keep going until my brain disolves.

With summer looming around the corner I have been having this urge to go swimming. Unfortunately the lakes are still nut shriveling cold, or in my case ovary shriveling cold. For now I will have to suffice with a short backstroke in the bathtub.

I could go to the hotel in town and pay to use their pool, but I am not a fan of chlorine. One summer when I was a kid I swam at a community pool, my hair had green streaks by August from the chlorine. So if you are blonde and want green hair, go swim in a heavely chlorined pool daily, or use hair dye, your choice.

Samson is still limping, which makes me think he tore his ACL instead of just straining it, poor puppy. He misses his walks, but I keep telling him he needs more rest, and he stares at me with those big, brown, full-of-hope eyes and I feel like such a jerk for saying no. The perils of parenting a puppy.

So I am off to the usual, kissing the dog and petting my hubby before more homework.

Stay Gold

I was watching an incredibly gold sunset earlier and all I could think was "stay gold Ponyboy".

For those of you who remember that movie or like Robert Frost, I thought I would post the poem.


Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.