Raiju's World

Moving on

2010-10-11T10:19:00.002-04:00

I have been absent from the blogger world for awhile, experiences of life keeping me at bay. My mom-in-law died August 18th at a Hospice house, she left quietly when no one was looking. We all said goodbye to her as she lay in bed, tears streaking our faces as we said our final thoughts to her. This was very hard for me as I don't do well with sickness or dead bodies, I avoid visitations with open caskets at all costs.
She was Catholic and the family proceeded to have a long, drawn out catholic visititation, rosary, funeral, grave side, and luncheon. I now think that catholics may be masochists, I mean how many times can you say goodbye and go through the sorrow.
During all this I started a job and another sememster at school. My time is filled with working 40+ hours a week, two classes at night, and an endless supply of homework. Toss in my best friends wedding in September, a suprise 50th anniversary party for my parents in October, and you have one girl who is busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.
One day I will finish these quests and take time to myself, for now I hope to have time to sneak peeks at those blogs I miss reading.

Life can change so fast...

2010-08-13T08:47:00.002-04:00

It really amazes me how life can throw a curve ball. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of changes and emotional rollercoasters. My mom-in-law went to the hospital with pain in her leg only to discover she has advanced bone cancer with spots in her lung and kidney. While in the hospital she fell and broke her pelvis because of the drugs she was on. Watching this woman go from a vibrant grandmother to a frail little old lady has been very hard. She is dying, there is no denying it and she is not strong enough to make it through chemo. Keeping her comfortable is the best they can do now, so very sad.

I finished out my summer classes with A's amidst all the commotion to my suprise. I received a job offer from a previous employer that suprised me. They are creating a new position and called me to ask if I was interested, I was very flattered by this. We had a meeting and I accepted the offer and start next week, I took a couple weeks off to finish school and deal with the mom-in-law situation.

So, while I try to wrap my head around starting a new job, the sadness of watching someone die, signing up for fall night classes because I am so close to graduating, I wonder how people handle it all. This emotional roller coaster of sadness, anxiety, and anger. I am starting to understand the concept of Prozac now even though I have never had it. Being strong for my husband and his family is first on my list, the rest will fall into place, I hope.

Catching Up

2010-06-09T10:56:00.001-04:00

So I have been busy, apparently for at least a month since my last post. I finished the last semester on a good note of making the Dean’s List. I had a few weeks in between semesters I thought would be slow, not! Between doing favors for everyone and volunteering a couple days a week the last few weeks flew by, I was looking forward to school starting again so I could slow back down.

Yesterday was my first class, government. Boring. The class is three hours long twice a week and most of it is the professor talking and he doesn’t exactly have a captivating voice. I will now take coffee to class to keep awake.

My other class is on-line through the college, Marketing. Again, boring. I have never done an on-line class so this will at least be interesting in that aspect. He has something due every day so there will be no slacking in this class, I just hope I understand it.

Along with all the other my hubby and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary yesterday. We stayed home and grilled a yummy filet mignon, asparagus, and crab cake meal. He even bought me roses, what a sweetie! It is funny to think of how much has changed in the past year and how fast it went. We really are late-bloomers, lol.

I am hoping to get back on track for the next few months, I have also missed reading my favorite other bloggers and need to catch up on their stuff, especially Hunter, The Vegetable Assassin, and Nooter. See you guys in a bit.

Library

2010-05-05T11:52:00.002-04:00

So here I am, sitting in the beautiful library I have come to know and love the past few months, pondering how much I will actually get here this summer. I will have to make time to visit occasionally, I don’t want it to forget me after spending so much time here. I am taking classes this summer, but only one will be at the school. This library has become a dear friend and kept me company with seemingly limitless books and quiet time to work, I shall miss our daily visits.

Will it know when I visit my other library, will it be jealous? No worries, I will be back soon good friend.

Distractions

2010-04-27T14:45:00.002-04:00

Ok, here we go, I am ready to read this chapter for accounting. The full

disclosure principle calls for financial reporting (another hangnail?) of any

financial facts significant (that girl’s shoes are cute) enough to influence the

judgment of an informed reader. (Fat boys in shirts on the beach, ha ha, damn

you Hunter) In some situations, the benefits of disclosure (I wonder what the

best beach is to find shells?) not as apparent. (I wonder if anyone is on

Facebook?) For example, recently the SEC (to hell with this, I will do it later)

Swimming in work

2010-04-21T19:58:00.004-04:00

Busy. That would describe me lately. The last few weeks of the semester is looming and all the teachers like to see just how much crap they can load on you before the end. I feel like I am either studying at home, the library, or in my sleep. You would think I would be brilliant by now, but not so much. I did sign up for a couple summer classes though, might as well keep going until my brain disolves.

With summer looming around the corner I have been having this urge to go swimming. Unfortunately the lakes are still nut shriveling cold, or in my case ovary shriveling cold. For now I will have to suffice with a short backstroke in the bathtub.

I could go to the hotel in town and pay to use their pool, but I am not a fan of chlorine. One summer when I was a kid I swam at a community pool, my hair had green streaks by August from the chlorine. So if you are blonde and want green hair, go swim in a heavely chlorined pool daily, or use hair dye, your choice.

Samson is still limping, which makes me think he tore his ACL instead of just straining it, poor puppy. He misses his walks, but I keep telling him he needs more rest, and he stares at me with those big, brown, full-of-hope eyes and I feel like such a jerk for saying no. The perils of parenting a puppy.

So I am off to the usual, kissing the dog and petting my hubby before more homework.

Stay Gold

2010-04-15T20:12:00.002-04:00

I was watching an incredibly gold sunset earlier and all I could think was "stay gold Ponyboy".

For those of you who remember that movie or like Robert Frost, I thought I would post the poem.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

A poet I'm not

2010-04-11T19:24:00.004-04:00

I read on Hunter's blog that April is poetry month. I am no where near being the writer he is, so I thought I would be silly instead. Enjoy.

A prance
is a dance
done by a guy named Lance
in very tight pants

Mr. Hop-A-Long

2010-04-11T19:15:00.002-04:00

So, Samson being the big "puppy" he is, strained his ACL a couple days ago. We took him to the vet and decided no x-rays were needed yet and she gave us some pain killer/anti-inflamitory pills for him to take. She also told us we need to keep his activity limited, has she met our dog?

Samson is recovering well, even putting weight on his injured hind leg now and then. I find it amazing how fast he can move on three legs. Today, being nice and sunny, was very hard to keep him from running around like a mad dog.

His big brown eyes look like they want to explode from pent up excitement. Whenever we walk near the door he dances on his three good legs in anticipation of a good romp. How do you make a dog understand that he needs to rest? If anyone knows, please fill me in. I guess I should have also asked for a prescription of doggie valium for the next two weeks.

Therapy Rant

2010-04-11T19:01:00.000-04:00

Do you ever just want to freak out? I sometimes feel like that, or maybe it is just PMS. I usually don’t hold grudges against people and eventually just let it go, but lately I find myself holding my ground. I believe that I am one of those people who are always reliable and would do whatever for a friend. When you needed something I was the person to call, even if you hadn’t called me for months, I let is slide.

Back in June we had a sort of wedding reception/party at our house for our friends. We supplied all the food and asked for no presents. A couple who I have known for years was invited and said they would come. This same couple had notoriety for moving a couple hours away and didn’t inform anyone, and also she had a riff with another common friend. They also expect all of us to call them when we visit their town and “look them up”, even though they never do the same when they come back.

The day of the party she calls saying they can’t make it, her husband has to work, she doesn’t. Well, she can still come right? Wrong. I hear excuse after excuse knowing full well she is afraid to face the other friend, that he may start something. I found it highly selfish of her to think he would ruin my party just to confront her. I let it go, but it ground on me in a bad way.

When this couple was married we went and did everything we were asked to make it great. Rented a tux to stand in the wedding, even though we were broke. Picking out a thoughtful wedding gift and generally giving them support and help where needed. This is what friends do, right? So I sent her an email saying how I was disappointed, but should not have been surprised because of their history, and that my feelings were hurt that she couldn’t give me any support in return.

She emails back, calling me selfish and giving more excuses. I finally end the emails saying she is right and fighting about it is stupid, just to end it. Again I apologized for something I had no reason to apologize for.

We went and saw our friend’s band play last night and she showed up. Couldn’t come to my wedding reception, but could come to the bar? Almost everybody welcomes her with open arms, rewarding her for something she should have done a long time ago. She didn’t approach me and I did not approach her, for once I will not apologize for someone else’s misgivings.

Some people don’t understand it and call it petty, I call it standing up for me. I finally decided I am tired of it and am not taking it anymore. Why be treated like second class by your own friends? Not me, not anymore, even if they think I am the bad guy.

So that is my rant for today. “Good riddance to bad rubbish” as they say. This is my way of putting it to rest. Call it drama or whatever you want, I call it therapy.

Dogs and Roses

2010-03-31T19:08:00.001-04:00

You never have to tell a dog to stop and smell the roses because they stop and smell everything.

I like my critters

2010-03-24T11:36:00.002-04:00

So, I made through my third speech this morning. I felt awful about it because I did not have as much time to prepare so I was nervous, but people in class said it was really good. How strange. I did the usual “tug at your heartstrings” speech about the abuse of traveling circus animals and why those circuses should be banned.

I find it strange that we can have more compassion for animals than other humans, not that there is anything wrong with that. If you want to turn me into a snarling maniac who will whoop your ass up one side and down the other, just purposely hurt my dog or cat.

I like people, but we can be real assholes towards animals, and I don’t always understand why. My cat likes to mutilate birds on the bedroom carpet and leave us a gift of guts and feathers to clean up. Sometimes this pisses me off, but I can’t hurt her as it is in her nature to hunt. I can tell her no and hope she gets the hint we love her without the presents.

My dog likes to do what my husband calls “crop dusting”, meaning he will come in from outside, walk in front of us while silently farting, and then go back outside leaving us with his butt fragrance. I don’t know if he does this on purpose, I swear that sometimes I see him smile when he slips back out the dog door. It could be revenge for baby talking to him, or putting the wig on him at Halloween and proceeding to point and laugh hysterically. It is just something he does and we accept it as part of the dog he is, maybe adding a little probiotics to his dinner to settle the tummy.

So I beg people to be nice to animals, what have they really ever done to you? And if they did do something to you, are you sure you didn’t deserve it? We should never underestimate the intelligence or compassion of an animal. I have seen animals that act more of what we consider human than some humans themselves.

Spring Fever

2010-03-23T12:03:00.001-04:00

Spring fever has taken over. My mind is on cleanup of the yard, should we fertilize? Are those bulbs I moved last fall going to come up or did I kill them? What should I plant in the garden this year? Should I expand the garden again?

While I sit in my economics class, watching the teacher talk and make gestures to the class, my mind meanders back to those thoughts, blotting out his voice. I think to myself that I should be listening to what he says because it will probably be on a test, I wonder what color the flowers will be?

Every spring I have this same problem, whether in a class or at my job. My eyes glaze over as I stare out the window, my thoughts dancing around the joys of spring and summer. How do I defy the magic of the two best seasons around here? I don’t want to, that is where the problem lies. I let them awaken my senses that have been dormant all winter. The colors and smells tantalizing my surroundings, making them new again.

So I may miss a question on the test, it is nothing compared to missing the evolution of spring and summer.

Not a kid hater

2010-03-17T22:21:00.001-04:00

I have been enjoying the nice spring we are getting, something we haven’t gotten around here in years. This afternoon I did poop patrol, going around the whole yard and scooping up Samson’s winter droppings, sounds glamorous doesn’t it? At least he stays to the edges of the yard.

I have also been contemplating ideas for a persuasive speech I need to write this weekend. One of my ideas is being pro for kid-free zones. The idea came to me when I was trying to do work on a computer at the library and this lady had her 3-4 year old son on a computer next to me playing games while she worked on the next one. His game started messing up or something and he started whining and talking loud, eventually breaking out into crying. It was so distracting I finally grabbed my stuff and found another computer elsewhere.

The reason I love the library is the quiet and I don’t think it is the appropriate place for little kids to hang out when they are not old enough to read. There are so many other places kids don’t belong either, and I guess that is my idea for a speech. Some places, other than bars, should be adults only.

Ok, now you are thinking I hate kids. I don’t, I think most little kids are really cute and babies are adorable. I never had any, but I guess I never got around to it and I am ok with that.

So now I decide whether I can write a worthwhile speech on a touchy topic, or find something easier.

No Title Yet

2010-03-15T21:20:00.002-04:00

The blood dripped into the sink with a light “plunk…..plunk”, each drip bursting into pink against the white porcelain. I watched the drips for a moment, caught up in the rhythm they created. Sighing to myself, I reached for a garbage bag so I could start cleaning up the mess I had made.

I admired the smooth slice along his neck, opening up his jugulars for all to see. As he bent over the kitchen sink to check for a clog, I reached around and sliced him like he was cattle in a slaughterhouse. The blood had gushed forth in one side of the sink while he struggled. When he went limp I shoved him over to the other side so I could get bleach going on the first side.

When the kitchen was clean and the body bagged up, I took a hot shower so the blood didn’t dry in my hair, I hate when that happens.

Season of the Chickens*

2010-03-11T08:19:00.002-05:00

In the spring when I was ten years old, Mom came home with a box of twenty- five chicks and surprised us kids. Dad built a coop, and said we were eventually going to have fresh chicken. At the time I did not, or could not, comprehend the fresh chicken quote.

The chicken coop was an A-frame made from old boards that were gray from the elements. Inside there was a long trough for food and enough room for all the chickens. A square opening, big enough for a chicken to pass through, was in the front of the coop and led to a lawn surrounded by chicken wire. Another larger opening with a door was also on the front of the coop. I would often let the chickens out through the door so they could walk freely around the unfenced yard, much to my parent’s objection. My excuse was the chickens needed the exercise, and it gave me the chance to more closely observe them.

The chicks were kept in the house under a heating lamp until strong enough to survive in the coop. They were so ridiculously cute that I could not leave them alone. The softness of their yellow downy feathers and the little chirps they made were too much for me to resist. I spent enough time with the chickens to see them as pets. I had no problems picking them up like they were a cat and petting their feathers. Every day I was at the coop, watching them grow and interacting as much as you can with a chicken. The end of summer came, and Dad said the chickens were ready. I did not have the courage to ask what they were ready for, already suspecting when the axe was brought out and sharpened.

In the end we had seventeen chickens out of twenty five due to problems with raccoons and other animals getting into the coop. One chicken in particular survived an attack and managed the rest of his life with one leg. He was the only chicken that I gave a name to, Mr. Hop-a-long.

Butchering chickens is definitely not for the faint hearted. I stayed away when I saw the axe and piece of log. I had to help pluck the feathers after their heads were off and they had been dunked into the big cast iron pot of boiling water.

It was a messy project with feathers sticking everywhere, and I was not happy to help. Plucking feathers is not easy. Reminds me of plucking eyebrows; you just have to give them one good yank in the right direction. As the feathers came out I apologized to each chicken, letting them know this was not what I wanted.

It is a wonder I still eat chicken. I went without for quite awhile after that experience. It was such a mess and hassle killing and cleaning the chickens that Mom never did bring home chicks again, and I am thankful.

So why do I bring this up? I found some pictures of me as a kid and there it was, a picture of me grinning and holding a chicken in my arms like a cat, being the tomboy I was. Another picture shows me with the door to the coop open and the chickens filing out. That summer was my season of the chickens, my own learning experience in the circle of life.

*Edited Re-post

My First Car

2010-03-09T16:47:00.003-05:00

Today I was reminded of my first car. It was an ocean blue 1977 Ford Maverick, which was an automatic with a six cylinder engine and could go up to 100 mph. I do remember testing that once (maybe twice). I had bought it for $450 from a little old lady who had barely drove it resulting in very low miles.

The thing that made me think of it was talking about the bright headlights switch on cars. My Maverick had the switch on the floor that you pushed on and off with your left foot. I don’t recall when they switched over to the levers on the steering column, but it is definitely easier.

My Maverick also had the bench seat, not seen in cars anymore that I know of, except the back seat. My taller passengers had to deal with knees rubbing the dash due to me being vertically challenged.

The only thing power on the car was the power steering. The air conditioning was 2/60, two windows down going 60 mph. The radio was standard am/fm with the push buttons that shot the little red line back and forth in the display, I eventually replaced it with one that had a cassette player.

When I was sixteen this was a great car and carried me around for two years. It had around 66000 miles on it when I bought it, about 115000 when I finally let it go to junk yard heaven.

The car was ten years old when I purchased it, (I see you doing the math), and was very rusted out when I quit driving it. I remember a blinker light that hung by the wire because the quarter panel had rusted out in that spot.

My Maverick was a great first car and it is hard to remember all the events it took me to or all the good times it provided. I feel lucky to have had such a good first car, even if it wasn't the coolest.

The Viewing

2010-03-06T13:02:00.002-05:00

Like a buffet, the people were lined up waiting their turn. I stood next to a fake plant across the room and quietly watched, absorbing the experience. I listened to the comments on how “peaceful” he looked or that he “looked good”. I wanted to tell them he’s dead, and no one looks good when they are dead, but remained mute.

A nearby bench was filled with old women with their permed hair and large purses, some even had canes. The smell of their perfume mixing into a pungent distortion that almost made you feel light headed as you passed by. They spoke to one another in quiet whispers about their current health ailments, eyes searching for sympathy. It almost seemed to be a contest of who was in more pain.

I watched my husband across the room talking with others and shaking hands, feeling a bit guilty for being a pansy. I patiently waited and smiled a nod at those who came near me while keeping my eye on my husband and a place I couldn’t bring myself to go, near the casket.

I had never met my husband’s uncle and felt no malice towards him alive or dead, but I did have problems with dead bodies in general. They creep me out and make me horribly sad at the same time; I found it is better just to stay away from them completely.

More hands shaken and back pats as my husband made his way through the clusters of well wishers, eventually ending next to me. Condolences had been given, he had shaken the right hands, and we could now go home.

Spring

2010-03-04T09:49:00.002-05:00

Spring is in the air. The sun has been shining for a few days, the temperature creeping up a little further each day, and the bird songs are returning. I fired up the grill yesterday and cooked some chicken for dinner, the smell of fire cooked meat tantalizing my nose.

While it was cooking I sat on the warm wood of the deck steps, surrounded by snow piles. The sun heated my skin, no jacket was needed, the first for the year. My two cats wandered out to join me in my basking and we listened to the birds and watched them flitter from tree to tree. The dog was lying in the snow happily chewing on a bone while the sun warmed his back.

I would have been disappointed when the chicken was done if I had not been so hungry, as it ended my first glimpse of spring. But it is on its way and there will be more to see tomorrow.

Stinky Butt McPutin? by Samson

2010-03-02T08:50:00.002-05:00

Samson found out Nooter had a blog and was jealous, so I decided to let him do a post on mine.

You know when you find something on the side of the road with such an interesting aroma you have to taste it? I found one of those and took a bite even though mom told me no, I couldn't resist. I can tell ya it did not taste as good as it smelled, but it was no biggie at the time.

Later I was lying in front of the couch watching tv, mom and dad were on the couch. My tummy felt a little funny, but I farted a few times and felt better. All of a sudden mom and dad started saying that wierd name again, Stinky Butt McPutin. I don't know who Stinky Butt McPutin is, maybe one of those moving pictures on the tv?

If anyone knows who this Stinky Butt McPutin is, let me know, because when mom and dad say it they look at me. Maybe I look like him?

"Charge of the Light Brigade"

2010-03-01T11:46:00.002-05:00

Today I heard a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson, titled “The Charge of the Light Brigade”, about the Battle of Balaclava in 1854. It was recorded in the late 1800’s. It is a fascinating poem, what you could hear of it, but very creepy. The recording is very crackly and sounds like something out of a horror movie, like hearing a dead man talking from his grave. It can be found on the internet and I recommend giving it a listen for the plain creepiness, and for the poem itself.

Here is a link:
http://charon.sfsu.edu/tennyson/lightbrigadewax.html

The Fireworks and the Russian

2010-02-24T21:27:00.003-05:00

I had a dream where I woke up wrapped in a cushy comforter outside and there were fireworks going off. There was also some large Russian guy keeping an eye on me. I don’t remember the rest of the dream, just that feeling of awe at seeing the fireworks while being warm and cozy. What the fireworks and Russian guy have to do with it is beyond me.

It doesn’t surprise me that I dream of sleep, I am good at it. One of my favorite things is lazing in bed wrapped in a soft, puffy comforter. I like to do this on weekends instead of jumping out of bed, these are the times I am most content. I think I picked it up from my cats as they are usually right there to join me after they have had their breakfast. I like to watch my cats sleep and wonder how they can get comfortable just about anywhere they lay down. Sometimes watching them makes me tired like they cast a sleep spell when they snooze.

Back to the dream, the Russian guy still has me confused. I only know he was Russian is because of his accent, but I don’t remember what he said. The fireworks were amazing, coming from all sides. It was like I was somewhere in the middle of three different places shooting them off.

The whole thing was like remembering a small part of some weird movie that you find during the day on TV, something that you only see bits and pieces of so you are never really able to put the story together, then you keep waiting for it to come back on so you can watch the whole thing but it never shows up again. So I am stuck wondering what happened, why I can only remember that one little segment, and who is the Russian guy?

Killing Time

2010-02-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

So here I sit in the library, killing time before my next class, listening to the clickety clicks of the keyboards around me. A glance through the window sends my thoughts to spring and how I wish winter would end soon. There is an angry typist across from me, his fingers pounding the poor keys as if hitting them harder will make his point better known. Makes me curious about what he is typing. I snack on crackers carefully hidden in my bag as the library has a no food or drink policy, am I a rebel or what?

I enjoy libraries, one of the few places I can feel totally at ease in. I love that there can be a group of people all together and be quiet at the same time, can’t think of anywhere else public that happens except church and funerals, and I am not fond of those.

It is my opinion more people should take time to be quiet and listen to their thoughts once in awhile. I see too many people constantly plugged in to their electronic doohickeys. I like my mp3 player, but don’t use it every day. I don’t text because the spelling issue annoys the crap out of me.

In the end I guess that even though I am not old, sometimes I feel outdated.

The science teacher, basket, and hotel room

2010-02-17T18:22:00.001-05:00

The science teacher walked in to the hotel with a large wicker basket in his arms. The basket was covered with a red tablecloth so no one could see inside. At the registration desk he gave his name and a credit card for a room. The hotel clerk eyed the basket with open curiosity, asking the science teacher if that was something special. The science teacher laughed and said that it was just a small project he was working on and nothing more. That made the clerk even more curious, but could not ask again as the science teacher had grabbed the room key and was off to the elevator.

My Dog

2010-02-14T18:43:00.001-05:00

Samson is my dog. Not because I own him, I took him in for a friend, no money was given. He has been with me for almost 8 years and stayed by my side through the good and the bad, that is what makes him my dog.

When we go for a walk he reads my body language and knows when to run or when to stay close. We have a mutual appreciation and love for each other that has grown into an indestructible bond. He sometimes loves me a little less during his bath, and I sometimes love him a little less when he pukes on the bed.

We have consoled and kept each other company through the good and the bad. He accepted my husband happily into our little family, but our bond remains strong. I fear the day when I have to say goodbye, it will be very hard.

Samson is my dog, just as much as I am his human.

Lovely Pages

2010-02-08T21:29:00.001-05:00

I love to read books. The smell of the pages, the sound they make when you turn to the next, the words that tickle my imagination. I love being transferred into other worlds, sometimes other dimensions. The story can be fast and furious or slow and drawn out, as long as it captures my imagination. A fun tale can ease the nerves after a long day when you disappear into it. Movies are great, but nothing can replace a book, and hopefully never will.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. - Mark Twain

Anybody out there?

2010-01-31T20:39:00.000-05:00

It occurred to me that I have no followers. Not one. Is that pathetic or what?

Learning Curve

2010-01-22T15:39:00.003-05:00

I paused at the door and checked the room number again, then hesitantly walked through. I picked a desk close to the door, an easy escape route I guess. Unzipping my backpack and pulling out the required books and writing utensils, I watch the rest of my classmates file in and take seats. Eventually the teacher comes in, checks the time, and closes the door indicating class has begun. The door swings open to admit a young girl who smiles guiltily and rushes to find a seat. Again the teacher closes the door and begins class by introducing themselves and summarizing the class while we watch, listen, and wonder what we got ourselves into.

This is what I experienced many times this week as I started school full time. I have not taken a class in eight years and have not gone full time since high school, which was twenty years ago. Ugh, that makes me sound old.

As I learned what was expected in each class I felt a little doubt enter my brain questioning my ability. When the assignments started, that doubt gained leverage in a couple classes. Let’s face it, school can be scary.

While I continue on next week I can only hope that my brain will adjust to getting this overabundance of information and start absorbing it into memory. Originally I said my goal would be to make the Dean's list (a 3.5 or higher gpa). Now my goal is to try for the Dean's list, but be happy with a passing grade. Wish me luck!

Letting Go

2010-01-15T13:51:00.001-05:00

Do you ever have a conversation you wish you could take back? Yeah, I have had a few good ones. I recently minced words with a close family member, trying to make her think about her decisions, which basically resulted in a shouting match. She is officially an adult now at 18, but I try to remind her that although being 18 makes you an adult, it doesn’t necessarily make you mature. That went over like a turd in a punch bowl. My main concern is that she doesn’t seem to show much respect and hides behind text messages and emails. I wonder what will happen when she actually has to face someone in real life.

So I have come to realize that I just have to quit trying and let her go with her life. All my knowledge from years of trials and tribulations holds no sway; she wants to do it herself. I myself was a bit rebellious at that age too, but I knew when to listen to someone and trust my instincts, which kept me out of a lot of trouble. Things change, generations change, the world changes. I tend to think this generation of teens is spoiled and would have gotten their butt kicked back in my day, as I am sure someone thought that about me.

I bid her adieu and good luck while she starts her own life now. A day will come in the future when I am sure I will get to tell her “I told you so.”

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
- George Carlin

Good Day

2010-01-14T14:55:00.001-05:00

Do you ever just have a good day? I am having one of those, nothing spectacular or exciting, just a plain good day. I admit I am excited to be going back to school next week, I checked and it has been 8 years since I last took a college course. I made contact with a friend I haven’t seen in almost 15 years, that is pretty neat. That actually happened a few days ago but we have been conversing back and forth since. Hopefully we will get together soon and catch up.

Samson and I went for a walk being a balmy 35 degrees out. I also gave him a bath. Ok, so the bathing process is not fun and I usually get soaked, but his reaction afterward is fun. He rolls around on his bed trying to dry off and being silly. I treat him with a biscuit and he lets me trim his nails, then the brushing commences. At present time he is snoozing next to me on the couch, wore out from the activity.

So none of this sounds exciting, right? I know, but I have a smile on my face anyway and am in a really good mood. It is a shame to have such a good mood and no one to share it with, except Samson and the cats. I am in such a good mood I think I will pass on the cleaning chores today and enjoy a good book instead. Good things are coming, I can feel it.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. – George Carlin

Public Speaking

2010-01-09T14:22:00.001-05:00

I tried to be witty but ended up being silly.
I tried to be coy but ended up being a bore.
I tried to be cool but ended up being a fool.
I tried to be myself but ended up being like everyone else.

Yes, it is a silly poem. What it wrong with being like everyone else? Who said I wanted to be on stage and in the spotlight? I prefer to be in the background writing the script and pulling the strings, that is where the real action is at.

I am taking a required speech class this semester and it scares the crap out of me. I do not like being in front of a group of strangers and having to speak to all of them at once. One or two at a time I can handle, but a whole class? Excuse me while I grab the smelling salts. Ok, I have never actually fainted before and I am sure it will be fine if they can hear my squeaks in the back row.

Do we ever grow out of shyness? I believe that we do overcome it as we age. I have improved immensely since high school. I tried to blend into the walls back then, God forbid a teacher should call on me. It wasn’t that I did not know the answer; I was too scared to talk. Speaking in public probably never will be one of my strong suits, well maybe by the time I am seventy I will be ok with it.

The butterflies will come, my palms will sweat, and hopefully I won’t get the hiccups when I give my first speech. Maybe I will even learn something along the way.

The New Year

2010-01-05T14:39:00.002-05:00

The New Year has begun and things are starting to look better already. We went to dinner and then spent a quiet night at home New Years Eve as hubby had to work the next day. This was perfectly acceptable by me.

I was looking at this New Year as a fresh start; I mean it has to get better than the last six months, right? The only really good thing I remember about 2009 was our wedding in Las Vegas, which was great. Otherwise the economy dumped, the winter lasted forever, the summer weather was cold and rainy, I was laid off and turned down by all the aid programs for school, and there was extra stress in my family.

But things are looking up. I was able to get a student loan at the last minute and squeeze into classes for the next semester. Our TV in the bedroom went kaput and by chance someone in his family had purchased a new one and we got the old one for free, timing is everything sometimes.

These are small things to get excited about, but when you have had some bad luck you take what you can get. My outlook for the coming year has brightened with newly resuscitated hope.

In a couple weeks I will be buried by schoolwork, which is a bit scary since I have been out of school for so long. But it is doing something that will hopefully help with our future, something useful. I am ready to do this now and it feels right at this point in my life, guess I really am a late bloomer.

So I make a toast to the New Year, this was an old friend’s favorite:
“Here’s to you, here’s to me, and if you would rather disagree, to hell with you and here’s to me.”

Lost in Thought

2009-12-27T14:59:00.002-05:00

I grieve at the loss of that thought. A thought so powerful it made me want to remember it forever. Alas, I was not able to write the thought down when it appeared. “Don’t worry”, I cried, “I shall remember to write it later”. Later came and the thought had disappeared from my memory. I sit and ponder, trying to remember that great and powerful thought but nothing remains of it. Where did this thought go? Was it so powerful that it could not sit idle in my memory waiting for me to remember? Has it gone on to a land of lost thoughts? We may never know.

Quietly Christmas

2009-12-26T01:19:00.003-05:00

Christmas has come and gone like a thought in the wind. I stayed home by myself and it wasn’t too bad. Hubby had to work and since I was recovering from the flu, I thought it best not to germinate the rest of the family. (I wasn’t much in the mood for family anyway.) I poked around the house and accomplished some cleaning and laundry, then spent the day watching TV and reading.

After discovering nothing on but a Criminal Minds marathon, I watched videos we took of Jamaica in 2007. In the beginning of one disc is a sunset on Seven Mile Beach in Negril. The picture is the ocean waves and the sun disappearing into the water, but the background noise is what really made me smile. A conversation with a couple we met over the rhythm of the waves followed by strolling musicians who stopped to play “Island in the Sun”. That piece put me right back on that beach and I could almost taste the salt water on my lips again, a very happy memory.

After the venture down memory lane I shut the TV off and immersed myself in a Salty Piece of Land by Jimmy Buffett for a few hours, again settling myself in the tropics. I think this is the first Christmas I did not go somewhere or do something and it was nice. No stressful drive, no family feuds, no eating too much, just me and my critters and a quiet day to ourselves.

After today I would suggest to people to take a holiday off from the family and running and stay home to rest, sometimes that is a present in itself.

Just as a puppy can be more of a challenge than a gift, so too can the holidays.
- John Clayton

The Time Crook

2009-12-19T10:57:00.003-05:00

This is going to be a quick blog of suggestion as I am still in a mood. I suggest to everyone to check out The Time Crook's blog. I love to read his blog and am jealous of his flowing words. He could put out a book of his blogs and I am sure it would sell. So, go check out his blog and his graceful writing and be jealous like me.

I Cannot Blog A Lie

2009-12-19T10:47:00.002-05:00

You may have noticed that my blogs have slowed down in frequency. I write it off to the fact that I have had nothing to say, but the truth is I have been a bit cranky and depressed and who wants to read a blog from someone cranky and depressed? I received a rejection yesterday from another financial aid source and it is getting to me. So as I am feeling this way, yet trying not look like I am feeling this way, my emotions are ready to snap. In other words “I need a frickin’ drink, make it ten”.

I will not bore you with all the other melodramatic crap that roams in my head lately, it disgusts even me. Something has to come through eventually and until then I will work to get out of this mood. There are still a lot of people worse off than me, but that doesn’t make me feel any better, just adds a guilt trip for feeling like this in the first place. We humans are such complex creatures, aren’t we?

I am off to perhaps walk the dog if it is warm enough. Seeing him happy generally makes me happy so that may be a good start. Adieu.

Silence

2009-12-17T17:07:00.002-05:00

The silence is discomforting at times. Outside noise reminds me that there is life going on around me. The car with the rusty muffler, the chickadees at the feeder, the neighbor’s dog barking at the noisy car. They all tell their own tale laced within another life. But the silence is deafening in its state of nothing. I try to let my thoughts wander and be free yet they come back to the silence that surrounds me. This silence that waits to be impregnated with sound, it has no color or smell. It waits for a footstep, a creaking of the floorboard, something to break its spell. Now I realize the power I carry, the power to break the silence. Just one spoken word or a snap of a finger, the power awaits in me. I feel privileged to have such power, to create such change, but do I want to?

Senseless Snow

2009-12-11T14:41:00.002-05:00

I have, as so many others, been spending a lot of time removing snow the last few days. When you don’t have a plow, getting rid of it can be hard work, even with a snow blower. My arms are sore from shoveling; I wonder why people around here don’t look more like Popeye in the winter.

The holidays are approaching and everyone is busy preparing, except me. I don’t decorate because my cats would tear it back down, I know this from experience. We go elsewhere on Christmas day so no need to make a big dinner. I wonder when Christmas started to become more of a headache to me than a celebration. I perhaps have become a bit of a Scrooge and would just rather say “bah humbug” and forget the whole thing.

It could be that hubby is working every day and every one else is busy and maybe I am a bit lonely and depressed. I am at a stand still in my life, unemployed and not sure where to turn next, basically feeling kind of useless.

I am still trying college. I came up with enough money for one class and am applying for the rest, keeping my fingers crossed. For the government pushing education on everyone they sure don’t make it affordable. Seems if they wanted people to get a higher education they would drop the cost of it. But then again, how many things does the government do that makes no sense?

I am off to count the inches of snow before I have to shovel again.

No School For You!

2009-12-07T18:10:00.002-05:00

I finally received word this afternoon that I was not going to be funded for this semester of college, but I am still on the list for next semester. I don’t know why they did not pick me but I am guessing it is because I don’t have any illegitimate children running around and am not receiving Welfare. Yes, it made me angry. I remember them telling me that they could see no reason why I would not get funded; they apparently did not look hard enough.

Frustrated as it is I am going to try other routes with the schooling as there is still hardly any work available. Tomorrow I will visit with financial aid at the college and see what we can come up with. I imagine there are many people who are in the same position as me so maybe they will have a solution.

Otherwise my day was filled with the sun shining on a freshly snow blown driveway. Samson and I went for a walk to enjoy the sun until the next storm shows up, which is tomorrow night according to the weatherman.

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. – Robert Frost

Loving My Pets

2009-12-04T16:02:00.004-05:00

Yes, I am still alive. Time slipped away from me and into other issues of life. Hubby went back to work today, yah! Of course that means it is cold and snowy now, boo! Still no word from the college program people, but they suspect that it will be soon.

Thanksgiving we hosted my family and provided a tasty turkey dinner. We ate too much and felt sleepy afterwards proving the meal successful. If we fed our enemies turkey dinners during war it would probably make them a lot easier to find, they would all be napping.

Samson loves snow. I find it odd that I wound up with a dog who loves snow when I despise it. He relishes in grabbing pine cones off the snow laden limbs and tossing them about so he can stick his whole head in the snow to search for it. Samson also enjoys rolling on his back in an area that has been freshly shoveled or even on ice patches, haven’t figured that one out yet.

Samson has also been trying new food. For some reason I started researching pet food and realized that I wasn’t actually feeding him good food, although I thought it was pretty good. This led to more research on how to read labels and ingredient descriptions and reviews, etc. So the search began for better food for Samson and the kitties. We visited three pet stores and wrote down what they carried and the price, allowing me to do a spreadsheet on Excel. With the spreadsheet we picked eight brands and compared top 10 ingredients, cost, protein percentage, fat percentage, and calorie count. We found that some of the premium dry foods cost the same as some supermarket foods, crazy.

Another thing I discovered is most of the premium foods have websites and if you email them and request a sample of their food they will happily send some. Taste of the Wild blew me away by sending six sample bags (three different flavors) for the dog and two for the cats. I was only turned down by two brands that said they guarantee their food and if your pet didn’t eat it you could return the bag. So if you are shopping for a new pet foods don’t be afraid to ask for samples. Also ask at the pet stores, a store we visited gave us some samples that the company sent them.

The only downside to new food for Samson has been his gas problem, which has been very unpleasant, but I believe it will end when his tummy adjusts. Until then we are trying a little yogurt and pure pumpkin to help with digestion. The cats have taken to some new food very well and Squeaky has been acting like a kitten again, all playful and feisty, and we are still in the switching process. They had a lot of food left so we are stretching the mixing process.

I would like to end this with a website I found very helpful in my research, I thank them for their time and effort in providing the information.
www.petfoodratings.net

Life Series

2009-11-20T19:05:00.003-05:00

So it is Friday evening and I have the house to myself, hubby is out helping a friend. The dvd player is loaded with 'Sex and the City' discs, a large bowl of warm popcorn awaits on the coffee table, and Samson is next to me on the couch. Ugh! When did I get so boring? I guess it is when I became to money challenged to go out, but that would not be entirely true. The bar scene generally bores me around here and I am to old to dress like a tramp and go clubbing, not that I would do that in the first place.

Having very little life of my own at the moment I shall relish in watching someone elses. I will cry when their heart breaks and laugh when they make a joke, wondering all along how they will solve their life's issues. Now if I could just figure out how to solve all of my life's issues in a couple hours that would be great.

Predicting Bad Luck

2009-11-13T20:21:00.004-05:00

Do you believe people have a sixth sense? Wednesday I spent the day with an anxiety attack. My stomach had the butterflies and my nerves were on end and I had no idea why I felt like that, I thought maybe I was starting to have a melt down. I ended up going to bed early in the extra bedroom and stared in the darkness wondering what the heck was wrong with me. I intermittently slept throughout the night but woke the next day feeling better.

Thursday was an average day and all seemed to be well, although a few butterflies still flitted. When hubby returned home from work his news was not good, he was laid off. Fortunately his layoff is only temporary, until it gets cold enough to make snow, but that looks to be weeks away. That is when I understood my panic, another layoff in the house, this is going to suck. My panic has melted away today giving me hope that things will be fine in the end.

I don’t claim to have ESP or anything like that. My feelings Wednesday could have had nothing to do with Thursday, but maybe they did. What if I did have a premonition but did not realize what it was?

We all have different views on ESP or any kind of mind control. I like to think that there are people who have a little ESP, or even telekinesis. The idea amuses me that we all have the ability to do these things, but only a few figures out how. I suppose some could be born with a stronger ability than others, like a lot of physical traits.

I am not sure I will ever know the answer to these questions, but it doesn’t matter. Hopefully my next premonition will be next week’s lottery numbers so I don’t have to panic about a layoff, but I won’t hold my breath.

Defiance of Age

2009-11-12T15:58:00.003-05:00

Nobody told me there would be days like this; John Lennon sure had that right. Getting old sucks! There, I said it. My body is rebelling against the way it was treated in my youth, which really wasn’t bad at all. Besides new hormones that like to bang on the door without notice, my muscles are trying to abandon me. Granted these are muscles that I have previously not been nice to. (e.g. tearing and spraining).

I try apologizing with a heating pad, Icy Hot, or a hot bath. This satisfies them temporarily, but then they are right back to complaining. I perform exercises to help make them youthful again and that really pisses them off, the complaints commencing on a grander scale. I did not take the proper care when they were originally injured and am now paying the price for ‘toughing it out’.

I shall not give up though. I will prove to them that their complaining will not slow me down right now. It is called Tylenol, or whatever is in my medicine cabinet at the time. Perhaps they will never have the stature of their youth again, but all effort will not be lost.

As far as the hormones go, I wish I knew. All I can say is make me a Cosmo with a couple Midol on the side or get the f#$% out of my sight. Fortunately I have never had to say this as hubby knows when to leave me alone. Maybe it’s the way he gazes into my glowing red eyes and instantly gets that ‘oh shit’ look , understanding this may not be the time to discuss my vices. He will quietly back out of the room with the dog in tow, seeking sanctuary elsewhere. What a great guy.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. – George Carlin

Escape (Not The Pina Colada Song)

2009-11-09T15:13:00.006-05:00

Samson and I escaped today. Ok, maybe not the whole day, but for a few hours. Feeling sadness set in after paying for car repairs I decided that we should go somewhere and enjoy the very pleasant day. (60 deg in November?) We made our way through the twists and turns to Sturgeon Bay. It was beautiful and not a soul around. We had free reign of the miles of beach and dunes. The wind was a bit brisk at times making me wish I had a warmer coat, but when we changed directions it was at my back and easier to deal with.

We spent over an hour walking the beach and it made me feel so much better. Samson splashed in the water, not going deep because of the waves and it had to be cold. (brrr) With no leash to hold him back he relished in running the dunes and checking out all the smells his nose picked up while not straying beyond my sight. Armed with a camera, he became my target as my fun became watching him frolic in the sand and water.

I am glad we went and enjoyed the sun and beach; it was just what I needed. Sometimes life just feels crappy and it takes a little cost-free adventure like that to put it back in perspective. Now I can go back to cleaning house and paying bills and all that normal stuff without cringing quite so much. At least I won the football pool this week.

Alas Poor Me, I Knew Her Well

2009-11-06T16:30:00.003-05:00

Today I feel frustrated and want pity even though I know I don’t deserve it. Frustration gets to everyone I guess and maybe today is my turn. I really have nothing to gripe about either, this is what is so stupid about it. I don’t have a job, but we are not destitute, yet. We have cut back on expenses to help, but I feel like I could have been better prepared. Why does it take some of us so long to figure things out in life?

I am not a follow through person, I realize that now. I have a hard time finishing anything and I don’t know why. I could get into a bunch of psychological baloney but I would probably lose interest. I am not sure when I became this way or if I always was this way, hard to tell at this point. It is nobody’s fault but my own. Don’t you wish more people would say that?

I was the one who made all the decisions in my life when I left home, whether good or bad. I had fun along the way and managed not to get thrown in jail, yet. Things did not always turn out like I had hoped, but it could have been worse. The person we are now reflects who we were and where we have been, or does it? What about the people who completely change their lifestyle to better themselves, the ones that go from felon to finding God. They claim to be a new person, but are they? Can you truly leave your past behind and enter the future unscathed?

So I may whine and wail, but I know it is all in vain. The past is the past and I will try not to let it mold my future. I have a wonderful husband, a great and loyal dog, and two loving cats. Add a roof over our heads and food in the pantry what more could I really need? Oh yeah, something to keep my short attention span busy.

Building Blocks

2009-11-04T16:36:00.005-05:00

There is nothing like completing something you weren’t sure you could do in the first place. The other day I used a skill saw for the first time and built a gate for my fence. The skill saw was my ex’s and has been sitting in the closet for years waiting for use. I have used a power drill but that has been the extent of my power tool usage.

I measured and cut, screwing the boards together in frame form with wire fence for filler. Hanging it on the post with the hinges was a bit harder but I managed to get it done with a little ingenuity. The finishing touch was a silver latch that works perfectly. As simple as it sounds I am still proud that I accomplished building something all by myself, makes me want to buy a tool belt. :)

The next day I cleaned up and old microwave cart and made it into movable kitchen cart. I had a large maple block cutting board given to me and set that on the top, putting that rubber stuff that keeps rugs from sliding in between to keep the board from sliding. The board is heavy and it worked great. I lined my cookbooks on the first shelf and put some miscellaneous on the bottom shelf. A small towel rack on the side will finish it off as soon as I get one.

Who knows where this sudden creativity comes from but it has been keeping my busy. I am going with it as I know it won’t last too long, it never does. So that is what I have been up to while I still wait to hear about the college program, let’s hope it will be this month. Otherwise I am off to see what else I can construct or deconstruct.

The Light part 3

2009-11-03T18:08:00.001-05:00

What I see is white, like an all white room. I push my head in a little further and feel my body being sucked through. It only takes a second and now I am standing in the infinite whiteness. What the heck is this? I see nothing but white, no walls or ceilings, nothing. The smell of vanilla is still in the air but I don’t mind, I like vanilla. It is so quiet I swear I can hear my heartbeat. I walk a few steps, not hearing my footfalls. I feel my heartbeat slow as my body starts to calm even though I think I should be scared. Why couldn’t this have lead to Tahiti? I pace around absentmindedly thinking of pictures I have seen of Tahiti and wondering what I should do next. A familiar sound of lapping water starts and is slowly getting louder. That is the sound of waves when I have visited the ocean, I can smell the salt from the water. Blue materializes over head and sand forms at my feet. My skin warms from the brilliant sun as my surroundings change to tropical. I look up and see a sign that says Le Meridien Resort, Tahiti. Holy shit! That was the picture I was just thinking of. I look back and see the small white light on a palm tree that is set back off the pathway to the resort. I step back to the light and stick my head in and am immediately sucked back to the maple tree in the back yard. I go back in the light and think of The Mirage at Las Vegas; sure enough I am taken there. The light is again in a tree that is set slightly off a pathway. I go to the light and am transferred back to the maple tree. This time I go to the house and grab a small suitcase with nothing in it. I step to the light and put my head in while holding the suitcase. I feel the suction and appear in the white room with the suitcase still in my hand. How cool is this. Looking at my watch I see that hubby should be home anytime. I go back through the light and to the house, waiting in excitement to tell him about the light. I still wonder where it came from, how long it will last, and why it is here. I guess we will figure that soon enough, I just wish he would hurry up and get home.

The Light part 2

2009-10-29T15:00:00.001-04:00

I hesitantly look back at the house thinking I should contact someone but my feet stay rooted by curiosity. I reach out my arm and touch the light with my finger. It is the size of a bowling ball and is warm on my skin but does not burn. Stretching a little further the light engulfs my hand. I jerk my hand out at the realization I cannot see it passing through the other side of the orb. My hand is slightly pink and warm, but otherwise appears ok. What is it? Where did it come from? I scan the surrounding area for anything else out of the ordinary. Feeling courageous I stick my hand back in the light, concentrating on what it feels like. Now I am up to my elbow and slowly move my arm around blindly feeling for anything. Before I realize it I am up to my armpit and still not feeling anything but the warmth on my skin. Now my face is so close to the orb I practically have to close my eyes against the brightness of the light. I lean forward, feeling the warmth on my face as it engulfs it, and open my eyes.

To be continued…

The Light

2009-10-28T19:21:00.001-04:00

There is a light shining behind the maple tree in the back yard. What could it be? I ponder this as I quietly open the sliding door and listen for noise. My ears straining I hear nothing but the breeze rustling the fallen leaves. I glance at the tree and the light glows brighter enhancing my curiosity. My senses are on full alert as I make my way across the deck, pausing at the steps. My nose picks up the slight smell of vanilla, but from where? Continuing my quest I make my way down the steps and across the lawn towards the light. Cautiously I round the tree and stop, stunned at what I find. Hovering about 4 feet is a white glowing orb. The brightness is almost blinding now and I shield my eyes, squinting to get a better look. My arms warm from the heat radiating from the orb and the smell of vanilla permeates my nostrils. What is this? My mind is racing for answers and coming up with nothing. Should I call someone? What should I do?

To be continued…

A Cat's Life

2009-10-27T16:56:00.002-04:00

Today was actually quite boring so I decided to give the cat lovers a few cat facts from my cat encyclopedia. (did I say cat enough?) Enjoy.

*The original ‘black panther’ is the black form of the leopard. Melanism is most common in leopards, so they were once thought of as a separate species – the panther.

*Contrary to popular belief, cats cannot see in total darkness, but in dim light their vision is about half as good as that of a clear sighted human.

*Another distinct feature of the cat’s eye is the haw, a third eyelid arranged to flick diagonally across the cornea. This flicks continually when the eyes are open, but if a cat is seriously ill it will show ‘haws up’, that is with the haws immobile across the corneas.

*The cat’s brain weighs less than 1 oz, but the proportion of brain weight to body weight is larger than in most mammals other than apes and humans.

*Scratching objects serves to sharpen claws because cats’ claws are able to shed layers leaving them with new needle-pointed tips.

*Due to the cat’s reluctance to be trained in any way, the Romans used the image of a cat as a symbol for freedom at the feet of the goddess of liberty.

*The Egyptian cat god Aelurus was so feared by worshippers that anyone who killed a cat was punished by death.

*Cheese used to be sold in Cheshire (England) molded into the shape of a grinning cat as a joke to ward off hungry mice, hence the origin of 'The Cheshire Cat'.

Losing Faith

2009-10-26T13:58:00.003-04:00

What happens when you lose faith? I am not talking about religion, but what about in mankind? I realize it is the same old story, rich get richer and the poor get poorer, but when do we finally say enough? I believe that you have to work to earn, but what about the people that are basically stealing from us, the government? Bailing out a bunch of banks did me no good; my bank is still holding their money tight. They are still giving all their money to the execs that throw it away and leaving us poor schmucks out in the cold. I have been following their rules, but yet I still get penalized with a falling home value.

I am not spouting this because I have a bad credit score but because I want to know when it became so complicated. I honestly don’t trust any state worker/ politician anymore. Greed has so overtaken them that they all sound the same, spouting the same nonsense. How can you say you support something when the only reason you do is someone promised you their vote and a hefty contribution. When did it all become such a huge joke?

My theory is that every politician should live three months on a salary of $3500 per month less state and federal taxes. Doing this I would believe them a little more when they imply they understand what the middle class are going through. If they really had to learn how to budget maybe they would make better decisions instead of how they are going to get re-elected to their cushy job.

So that is my rant on politics, which would explain why I generally don’t talk about them. I vote but really don’t know why, it is just another face doing nothing like the one before did. I used to have blind faith in thinking that the next person will do better. Blind faith finally ran out on me, leaving me frustrated and disappointed.

Reading Life's Mistakes

2009-10-22T16:37:00.003-04:00

I sit on the couch with my legs tucked and a small container of blue cheese dressing precariously perched on my thigh. My face concealed behind an open book with a hand occasionally reaching for a veggie, dipping it in the blue cheese and then disappearing behind the book. Every few reach’s pulls a carrot for Samson who sits next to me patiently waiting, our crunching filling the silence of the room.

This was part of my day as I finished a book called The Late Bloomers Revolution, by Amy Cohen. A very true and comical book; definitely for any women that live outside the normal get married and start a family thing.

It is hard to watch all your friends disappear into having kids and doing that whole parenting thing. My parental instinct took a hike and fell off a cliff when I was around 30, and I don’t regret it like people may assume. Samson and the two cats make our family complete plus they don’t talk back. Ok, Samson and JC do once in awhile, but they are entitled to their opinion.

My point being my life choices haven’t always been great, but I have yet to find the person who has made all perfect decisions. Our mistakes remind us that there is no such thing as perfection and not to take ourselves so seriously, no matter how old you are.

It is better to be high-spirited even though one makes more mistakes, than to be narrow-minded and all too prudent. – Vincent Van Gogh

Parental Guidance

2009-10-20T16:23:00.001-04:00

I always thought my mom knew everything and looked for her approval in my life. Now I look at her and see a person I respect, but a wife I never want to become. It is no secret that my parents don’t exactly have a great relationship, I don’t know that they even try to hide it anymore. I went out to their house today to visit and help out with a couple things. After three hours I was practically running out of there screaming. On the way home I thought that since I had not come up with any other ideas for Christmas, maybe I could get them a divorce.

My dad is not in the greatest of health anymore, there is a lot he can no longer do. His lungs are basically shot as emphysema had set in a few years ago. But he still gets out and about, doing little odd and ends. Much tougher than most people think he is. My mom tends to treat him like a five year old and assumes he can do nothing of any value anymore and he will crumble away if she is not right there with him, doing everything for him. Then she constantly complains about him when he is not around. When she is not around he complains about her being so cranky. I feel like monkey in the middle and don’t know what to do about them anymore.

So now I am wondering if I should maybe say something to them. Some of the other kids don’t visit as often because they are tired of it too. How do you tell your parents they are cranky and no one likes it anymore? I am usually the one who my mom calls outspoken, meaning I am not afraid to speak up when someone else is being a jerk. I guess I never thought it would be my parents I would have to speak up to.

I will spend some time pondering this before I make any rash decisions. I would like to get them to talk it out, but I think it is beyond that. I know something needs to be done before the holidays arrive, otherwise no one will want them at their house acting like this. Wish me luck.

Squeaky and the Grill

2009-10-19T18:58:00.002-04:00

Squeaky is sitting on the desk in front of me as I write this. She watches my fingers as they type, probably wondering what I am saying with them, not that she can read. She turned her head to the screen and is now watching the words form letter by letter, maybe she can read. Sometimes Squeaky likes to type but her spelling is awful so we just stick to me typing.

I did some yoga and walked Samson this morning. I also cleaned up the kitchen and balanced the checkbook. Samson and I took the recycling to the recycle center, one of his favorite things. While I am unloading stuff into the small holes of the recycling bins he sniffs his way around all the smells of the place. He gets this free reign because nobody is usually there, it is way off the road, and he does not run away. He’s a good boy.

I was going to grill burgers and potato mess this evening for dinner, being so pleasant out, but the gas tank gave its last breath while pre-heating. Frustrated I had to put the foil wrapped potato mess in the oven and throw the burgers in a frying pan. Oven cooked potato mess does not even compare to grilled potato mess, but we made do.

Hubby and I are tied again in the football pool; tonight’s game outcome will decide the winner. We made pizza yesterday and it turned out pretty good. Nothing fancy, but instead of using prepackaged pizza sauce I made my own with fresh tomatoes and herbs, definitely the way to go. Hopefully tonight I can do a victory dance while he plans next Sunday’s meal, go Broncos!

Squeaky is informing me that I have other things to do, like pet her and play spin the cat, so I shall say adieu for now

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many different ailments, but I have never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
- Joseph Wood Krutch

The Lost Symbol

2009-10-18T22:17:00.001-04:00

I finished Dan Brown’s new book The Lost Symbol tonight. I have to say that the plot was good and kept my attention. I also learned interesting facts that were woven into the plot, as with all his books. I have to be honest and say Angels & Demons is my favorite and remains that way. This book was interesting but did not carry the pace of Angels & Demons, it also seemed a little long winded in the end. (Or maybe I was just tired) But this is still a great story that takes you and Michael Langdon on another great adventure rich in history. Kudos to Dan Brown and all his extensive research on another great book.

Baking, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, and Freud

2009-10-14T19:28:00.003-04:00

The sweet aroma of muffins and cookies filled my house today as I baked and be-bopped to music. I plugged my mp3 player in the stereo, cranked it up, and proceeded to mix and stir to the beat. I have to say that Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and The Brian Setzer Orchestra go great with cooking. White Zombie and Brides of Destruction were good, but it is too hard to head bang while stirring. I am sure I looked like an idiot singing and dancing around while cracking eggs and mixing, but it was fun. The banana nut muffins came out pretty good and the chocolate chip cookies happened because I was in a groove and did not want to stop.

I did manage to take the dog for a nice walk today as everything was cooling off. The sun was out and the fall colors are spectacular right now. I did remember to bundle up this time with a hat and gloves so I wasn’t froze halfway into it; what I didn’t remember was to take my camera to capture those spectacular colors, maybe tomorrow.

A few weeks ago at a resale shop I picked up an old copy of Sigmund Freud’s, A General Introduction to Psycho-Analysis. The last few nights I have been reading the book and it is not as hard to read as I assumed it would be. Why would I read such a thing? Curiosity is my only answer. It is really a collection of lectures he did on the topic so most of it is in layman’s terms. A part in “Lecture 1” caught my attention and I wrote it down because it was lyrical in its description. I will end my blog with it today, hope you enjoy.

Words and magic were in the beginning one and the same thing, and even today words retain much of their magical power. By words one of us can give to another the greatest happiness or bring about utter despair; by words the teacher imparts his knowledge to the student; by words the orator sweeps his audience with him and determines its judgments and decisions. Words call forth emotions and are universally the means by which we influence our fellow-creatures.
- Sigmund Freud, A General Introduction to Psycho-Analysis

Digging for Muffins

2009-10-13T00:01:00.002-04:00

I played in the dirt today. I was not making mud pies if that is what you guessed. I cleaned out my flower boxes and separated the overgrown bulbs, hopefully not killing them in the process. I planted some of the extra bulbs in a couple other spots and promised my mom the rest. I have never done this and neither of my thumbs is green, so I did my best and am leaving it up to nature. Speaking of nature, it did not snow today, yeah! It was cold out though; even with gloves the dirt I was digging through chilled my fingers.

I did not win the football pool as I hoped, but we did tie so we are both responsible for dinner next Sunday. Pizza is what we decided to make as we both love it and haven’t had any for awhile. I would prefer to just order in but it is cheaper to make and the one place around here has not been impressive. We will just have to combine our cooking skills, as small as they may be, and come up with something fabulous.

I have also decided to take up baking. (Please hold the laughter until the end of the blog.) I am not talking of baking everything, just a couple of things to start. I have baked before, cookies and cakes, but they are pretty easy. Muffins are going to be my first attempt as I love them so, and hubby needs to lose the donuts. I am playing around with some bread ideas but have not researched it yet. I figure flour, sugar, baking soda, and such are relatively cheap for how much food you can get out of them. Plus baking warms the house and fills it with lovely aromas.

So if any of you have any great baking recipes that I should try out, send them to my email. Otherwise wish me luck and I will let you know if I burn the kitchen down.

Winterizing

2009-10-10T20:26:00.002-04:00

It was sunny for part of the day allowing me to work in the yard. I cleaned out the shed and put the patio furniture away, how depressing. The weather people are calling for the first snow (shudder) at the beginning of the week. It seems way too early after such a short summer.

While I was hauling stuff back and forth the animals came out to join me. At one point I stopped to hear a group of chickadees chattering away. JC sat under the tree closely watching them and meowing. He would turn to me and meow and I would tell him that he could not go after them. After a few times of asking and me saying no, it became too much for him and he scaled the tree anyway, scaring them all away. Later I kept seeing him streak across the yard, who knows why. Samson followed me relentlessly and I would stop and play ‘keep away’ with him. He gets really excited and goes into a full gallop around the yard, eventually tiring out and letting me continue working. I think they were happy to be out in the sun even though it was chilly.

Last night we went to a surprise birthday party thrown for a close friend. His girlfriend rented a cabin and had everyone meet there before he showed up, it worked and we had a good time. It was fun catching up with the people I should contact more often, but I guess we all say that.

Tomorrow is football and me cooking again, I really need to win this week. I will probably make chicken wings. I deep fry the wings and roll them in our own sauce, messy but very yummy. I realize it is not the healthiest food, but you have to enjoy them once in a while, like so many other things in life. That is all for the time being, hope everyone has a warm and happy weekend.

If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up. – Hunter S. Thompson

Waiting With Kitty

2009-10-08T19:04:00.004-04:00

I danced the dance of true love
I cried the sorrow of heartache
I laughed the joy of life
I lived beyond the moment

That popped in to my head earlier today, no idea what brought it on, but I like it.

I met with my advisor today. After handing in the rest of what is required I am officially on the waiting list for January. Unfortunately they have no set time when they pick from the list; it could be in two weeks or two months. So now I wait, with bated breath, on pins and needles, for that one exact moment, when I learn if I am good enough for them, or will I be rejected and cast aside like a bad tomato, splattering my rotted insides as I land......... Sorry, got carried away in the moment.

I played spin the cat earlier with Squeaky. We have an extra office chair that swivels and she likes to lay in it and get spun while trying to grab your hands.
I don’t spin her fast or constantly, but she really does enjoy it and gets all playful and feisty. Now she is curled up and sleeping in the same chair. Oh, lest we forget the simple enjoyments of life.

Sweet dreams kitty.

Powers of Persuasion

2009-10-07T22:48:00.005-04:00

How come I wasn’t born with super powers? They don’t have to be super, mediocre would be acceptable. I don’t need to be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but some super strength when doing snow removal would be handy. Flying would be nice, much cheaper than an airplane. Telekinesis would be great if you could do all the housework with your mind, especially the toilets.

The only extraordinary power I have is my ability to sleep. That is not saying I am lazy, I just enjoy getting my 8 hours of sleep a night. My theory is that my cats have slowly been brainwashing me over the years. They are the real professionals when it comes to sleeping, but I guess that is why they call them ‘cat naps’. Simply watching my cats sleep makes me yawn, they have that much power. Lately I think they are doing the same to the dog. He is currently spread eagle on his back and snoring.

So, while my cats slowly take over the house I will sleep and dream happy thoughts. The rain finally stopped for a couple days, that is a happy thought, but I will still dream of having gills.

Gills and Nachos

2009-10-06T22:04:00.003-04:00

I think I might grow gills. Sounds strange but it may be possible with the constant rain that has been going on for days. Having gills would be the greatest, none of that restraining scuba equipment and time limits. Why didn't Daryl Hannah have gills in the movie Splash? Were they hidden under her hair? Did Tom Hanks grow them at the end so he could stay in the water and be with her? Kevin Costner had them in the movie Waterworld. The movie was bad but the idea of having gills was pretty cool.

I had lunch with my sister and niece today, they don't have gills either. My sister offered to buy my lunch if I went and hung out with them and as she seldom offers this I ventured into the cold rain and joined them. We went to a place called La Senorita, faux Mexican cuisine, but darn tasty anyway. The three of us split a grande plate of nachos with all the fixings. Not having any money to eat out anymore this was a treat for me.

The rest of the day was full of non-accomplishments. I had heartburn and indigestion walking hand in hand through my intestinal tract. I watched some bad TV, went through the college papers again, and annoyed the cats a bit. (I like to do that once in awhile for all the times they wake me up in the middle of the night, keeps us even.) Now I think I shall go read and appreciate the classic writings, or it will put me to sleep.

I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat. - Edgar Allan Poe

Consequence and Mark Twain

2009-10-05T23:03:00.003-04:00

I lost our football pool again yesterday and will have to come up with a meal for next Sunday. Yesterday my chili turned out great even though it is a little too spicy. Adding some cheese and sour cream seems to help. Next time I will know not to use so many of the dried chili peppers, apparently they have some kick.

On another note, do teens really understand the concept of consequences anymore? I don’t think the thought of punishment scares them anymore; otherwise they would not do such stupid things. I watched a show called ‘16 and Pregnant’ on MTV for about 15 minutes after which I was ready to throw the parents in front of a bus. Since when is it cool to have your kid pregnant at 16?

I did some research and according to The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, 1/3 of the girls in the US get pregnant at least once by the age of 20. They also state that teen childbearing in the US cost taxpayers (Federal, State, and local) $9.1 billion in 2004.

If you are shocked by those numbers join the club. I don’t think the human population is going to end if one million girls don’t have a kid before they are 20, maybe someone should inform them of this.

In other news I have been reading a bit of Mark Twain lately. I found a book at the library with three stories in it and since I only had one other book I decided to give it a shot. I started reading Tom Sawyer a couple days ago and unfortunately have only been getting in a couple chapters a day. I am hoping to change that in the next couple of days. I will sign off on that note with another quote from the man himself.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. – Mark Twain

Catching Up

2009-10-03T16:42:00.004-04:00

I have been busy with family matters and realized that I have been neglecting the blog. The family will be fine, just a few need to work out some problems. I helped where I could but it is up to them now.

Thursday I had an appointment with a student advisor at the college. We discussed my credits and what classes I still need to get a degree. If starting this winter I could finish by spring of 2011, just over a year. That is not so bad. My advisor seems to think that I have a very good chance of getting in and giving me more hope. I have completed the list I was given for my next appointment for the program. I can't imagine how much more they would want me to do, it seems I should be at the last act of the play.

The weather has turned cold and rainy and we have had frost a few times. I picked some green tomatoes and put them on the window sill so they would not get ruined. The growing season has been unusual this year, everything seems to be late in ripening. We just have to go with it and use what we can. I will be making some pasta tonight with a sauce made from fresh tomatoes and zucchini with garlic and basil. I have never made it before so I don't know how it will taste, hopefully good. I also plan on baking some chicken breast to go with the pasta.

The end of another week is upon us, my how the time flies. Tomorrow is football and I have to cook since I lost last week. Since it has been rainy and cold I will be creating chili. I have no set recipe, mainly what I have in the cupboards and what I feel like. Until later my friends.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Crazy is as crazy does

2009-09-29T15:36:00.003-04:00

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain

Sometimes I wonder if we are all crazy and all the crazy are sane. I am trying to help a family member who is going through some rough times and hoping not to screw it up. How do you help someone clean up their life when you are trying to figure out yours? All I can do is my best and hope for a positive end.

Wants vs. Needs

2009-09-26T23:32:00.005-04:00

My dream is to live on an island, preferably one of the US Virgin Islands. I would work part time doing whatever at a tourist trap and freelance write on the side. I often wonder if that were to come true what I would take with me. My answer would be:

1. My husband (obviously)
2. My pets (I would hate to leave them behind)
3. A box of my favorite books
4. A radio/cd player with a box of our cd’s
5. My laptop with an Internet connection
6. A small TV to pick up some news channels.

OK, I do like stuff, but what is really needed to make me happy? That is a big step in life, to discern our wants from our needs. Some people have a big list, others small. Being home alone more often I have discovered that I usually don’t turn anything on during the day. I like the quiet and enjoy sitting with my dog and a book. Sometimes I read aloud to him and even the cats will come and listen. This is how I relax and it makes me happy.

I am not saying I don’t enjoy the radio or television, quite the opposite. I follow a few TV shows and have a list of favorite movies. Music moves the world, I cannot imagine living without it. I love to read and picture the story in my mind, the same holds true with music. Music can tell a story, change your mood, spark a memory, and make you laugh or cry.

Given the opportunity, I could survive with the first four on my list, but number five would be a big help. Number six would be considered a luxury, especially if I had an island view to look at instead. I could picture hubby and me sitting on a deck at the end of the day, watching the sunset, sipping a cocktail, feeling the cool breeze off the ocean. In the end it will be who I loved and where we journeyed that will matter, not the toys that distracted me.

The leaves they are a-changin'

2009-09-24T19:22:00.002-04:00

"Nature gives to every time and season some beauties of its own; and from morning to night, as from the cradle to the grave, it is but a succession of changes so gentle and easy that we can scarcely mark their progress." - Charles Dickens

Goals vs. Dreams

2009-09-23T21:57:00.004-04:00

Today I met with the career advisor about my hopeful college plans. More paperwork was filled out and we reviewed what I wanted to accomplish. I have to do more dancing for the next act, but I am now seeing light at the end of the stage. My goal is to complete the list she gave me in the next couple weeks so I can get on the waiting list for January. Keeping my fingers crossed.

The online writing class I have been enjoying so much ends this week. I would like to take another but we will have to see what the money situation is when the next classes start. Bills seem to be popping out of everywhere lately, just how it goes sometimes. Through many searches I have found a mecca of free online classes on multiple subjects. When I research them some more I may have to try one and see how it works.

Besides walking the dog this morning, nothing else was accomplished, and so I shall sign off with a quote:

"I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it."
- Charles M. Schulz

Fall Denial

2009-09-21T18:12:00.003-04:00

Saturday night we went to the annual "Fall Denial" party put on by some friends. A bunch of people gather and bring a dish to pass, have a couple drinks, listen to a band, watch fireworks, and have fun. I always look forward to this party, it gets better every year. We ate, laughed, and had our fun early as hubby had to work Sunday morning.

I chopped and sliced my way through Sunday. Armed with a knife and cutting board I spent four hours at my sisters house, the end result was 47 jars of salsa. My mom was also there supervising the messy event. Two fingers on my left hand burned all afternoon from chopping the jalapenos and chili peppers. I was careful not to touch my eyes, but came close a couple times. My 12 year old nephew was also helping and I taught him how to properly chop peppers and tomatoes, supporting his interest in cooking. Sunday night I was tired, spending four hours with my sister and mom will do that to me. Hubby made dinner and I spent the night falling asleep in front of the television.

Summer is fading, making way for fall, and I so want to deny it. Already I see daylight disappearing a little earlier each night. Today was cool and rainy, a typical fall day, perfect for staying inside. I spent the afternoon taking notes on a couple writing books that came from the library, listening to episodes of Sex and the City. Even though I dread the thought of winter and cold, sometimes staying inside is a good thing.

Ketchup History

2009-09-18T18:59:00.003-04:00

I love ketchup. Most people who know me understand this. I even have a t-shirt with the saying “What is life without ketchup?” Ketchup does not belong on everything, but it could go on anything. While I was thinking of all the wonderful things to eat ketchup with I wondered where ketchup began and decided to research it. Here is a basic history for anyone who appreciates ketchup.

• A pickled fish sauce called ‘ketsiap’ was brought by 17th century sailors from China. This ketsiap resembled soy sauce more than the vinegar version of today.

• In 1727, Elizabeth Smith printed the first recipe in The Complete Housewife. This recipe included anchovies, shallots, vinegar, white wine, and sweet spices.

• A New England farmer offered it for sale in 1830 for about 35 cents a jar.

• In the 1830's, recipes began appearing everywhere featuring mushrooms in the British versions and tomatoes in the US versions.

• Jonas Yerkes was selling ketchup nationwide by 1837, he sold the product in quart and pint bottles.

• In the 1870’s, HJ Heinz added ketchup to his line and the formula has not changed since. Most companies of today follow this formula.

• By 1900 there were over 100 manufacturers of ketchup.

Writers Block

2009-09-17T20:40:00.003-04:00

I suffer from writers block, unfortunately the cure is not more cowbell. Today was an uneventful day full of uneventful adventures. Seriously, I did a few errands and some cleaning, none of it exciting. The only interesting thing I have done so far is scan through the books I picked up at the library. I tried to free write and wrote a lot of blank. My brain must be on a hiatus and forgot to let me know.

How do I deal with writers block? Not sure as I am new to this. I will take a break and come back tomorrow with something better (hopefully).

If anyone reads this, I would like to know how you deal with writers block.

Winning the Game

2009-09-15T21:45:00.004-04:00

Today was one of those days where you think everything is planned out and next thing you know it is 9pm and you wonder what happened to the day. I went into town early so I would have plenty of time to make a few stops (Kmart, used book store, Dollar store), before I had to be at registration at 2pm. The registration is another step in the paid schooling process.

I was there in plenty of time and thought I might talk to a career advisor today, that did not happen. There ended up being a good size group of people which they herded into the back and put in line. Each person was then called one at a time to show the required documentation for photocopies and given a folder full of forms to fill out. Because this was per person it took 1 1/2 hours, most of which was spent waiting. Thank God I put a book in my purse that I had just purchased. After said forms were properly filled out, we were given a business card of a career advisor and told to call them to set up an appointment. And so finishes another act on the stage.

This evening I went to my nephews football game after several requests from my sister. The bleachers were shaded and cold and I went to sit with my Dad at the car. His health is not great so they park by the fence and he watches from there. For the first time in quite a while we had a nice conversation and I learned some new things about him. Another new project is born, getting to know my Dad and taking notes for family history. I already do know my Dad, but maybe not as well as I thought. My Mom talks a lot so it is hard to hear him, but now I want to. Getting him away where I can properly listen is the hard part, but I will think of something.

After all the waiting and running around, just a nice conversation with my Dad was all it took to make me smile. Funny how sometimes we miss those things in life. Oh, and my nephews team won the game.

My morning

2009-09-14T00:33:00.001-04:00

The air is warm, but the breeze has that slight cool bite to it, enough to start goose flesh on my arms. The sun has just started to rise, coloring the clouds hues of pink. The birds are especially active this morning at the feeder. The doves coo as they walk around picking up the fallen seed. Blue Jays squawk and finches twitter as they fight for seniority of the feeder.

The cedar bird feeder sits among the tall pine trees in the back yard and the birds fly to and fro, tree to tree. A gray cement bird bath waits nearby in the center of a large juniper bush. A brown finch takes a bath, slapping the water with its wings spread and feathers fluffed.

The streak of a green hummingbird near the day lilies catches my eye for a brief moment. The coffee is warm on my throat as I take a sip, leaning back and watching the action. This is my quiet time, my me time, my morning.

Warm and Sunny

2009-09-12T19:56:00.001-04:00

What a great weekend it is turning out to be. The weather is still warm and beautiful; I just can not believe it. The weatherman said this morning that we are about 10 degrees warmer than average right now. Hubby was done with work early yesterday so we went to Sturgeon Bay, the best beach around here. It is a jaunt to get there, but well worth it. The sand is almost tropical and the water is very clean and clear. We spent a few hours there yesterday and went back for a couple hours today. Samson went with us today and was a pretty good boy.

Samson has serious ADD, especially when there are other people around. The beach was not crowded, but we walked to an elusive spot so he could have some space and not bother anyone. The water is a bit chilly and we only waded, though there were some people swimming, so maybe we are just wimps. Samson even went for a swim while we were sitting on the shore. Samson is funny that he won’t go in if he feels forced, but if you let him decide he is all for it.

We met a lady walking the shore that also had a dog named Samson. They sniffed each other and walked around, sizing each other up, and then went on their merry way. We ended the day grilling burgers and corn on the cob. This weekend feels like it should have happened in July, but I am glad to get it even now. I believe the next couple of days are to continue being summery, then I am sure fall will start to make an appearance. All I can say is summer is definitely better late than never.

Learning the NFL

2009-09-10T18:26:00.003-04:00

Watching men in tight pants chase a ball around was what I thought football was. It seems that I was half right in my assumption. Men do run around in tight pants chasing a ball and beat each other up, but to a crazy set of rules.

The NFL started in 1920, although it was originally called the American Federal Football Association, changing to National Football League in 1922. Fifty years later in 1970, the first Monday Night Football was aired and there has been no going back since. The NFL has grown to mammoth proportions; the most recent NFL draft drew an estimated 36 million viewers. Pretty amazing considering the World Series averaged about 16 million viewers over a five game period.

Football is a very confusing game to the novice sports watcher, which would be me. Each season I question what each player is doing and what their title is, my husband being the very patient teacher. But I am proud to report that I have learned the basics and can follow a game. I could not tell you what every single player on the field does or their position, but that will come in time.

Sports were never my forte as I am sure you probably figured out by now. My husband is the sports observer; I just come along for the ride. He will watch just about any sport, but NFL season is the big gig. Sunday football has become an event in our home. Housework is generally completed before the games start, and there will usually be game food, or a special dinner at half time. Considering my love to cook and eat, especially finger food, I fit right into the pattern.

Football is indeed a happy time for vendors that sell team accessories, not to mention the chicken wing and beer markets. Everybody gets in on the football craze. Bars offer specials so patrons will go to their establishment and watch the games, meanwhile consuming beer and snacks. It is easy to purchase team jerseys, jackets, banners, blankets, bedding, bumper stickers, and the list practically goes on forever. Fans will proudly display their favorite team on their shower curtain, or even with a tattoo.

Loyal fans are the heart of the NFL; they are what make it fun, kind of like a Jimmy Buffett concert. Even Jimmy likes football. He has purchased the naming rights to the Miami Dolphins stadium. It is now known as the Land Shark stadium and he is also reportedly writing a song for the Dolphins. Now that is what I call a fan.

As of this Sunday and Monday, and for the next sixteen weeks, I will be joining the masses in watching the world’s largest professional American football league. Feel free to join in, just don’t forget the buffalo wings and beer.

And so it goes...

2009-09-09T15:45:00.003-04:00

The day was beautiful and I accomplished many tasks. Ok, so I am lying a bit. The day was beautiful and I did manage to take Samson for a walk this morning, just after that it kind of fell apart. Frustration set in as I grudgingly wrote a check for property taxes, watching my checking account shrivel in despair. The insurance company said I don't have towing and would not repay the locksmith's bill from the weekend, but would be glad to add it on my policy. I told them no as I am already paying way too much.

Today was my day to call Unemployment, but lo and behold, you can do it online now. That took no time to set up and was done in a matter of minutes, rather than waiting 20 minutes on the phone. If you have an Internet connection I would highly recommend this alternative, unless you like grooving to hold music.

Writing class was also time consuming today. This was one of the hardest lessons yet for me and took a couple hours to complete it. I can't complain about that though as I am learning from it.

So now I must go whip up some fantastic meal for dinner. Hey, it can happen you know, they make some pretty good frozen dinners.

The first "No" arrives

2009-09-08T17:37:00.003-04:00

I received an email today saying I did not qualify for a Federal Pell grant. I guess I am not suprised, but still a little disappointed. It is late in the year to be asking for money and with no kids our circumstances probably don't matter. I don't think it is right that they go by last years taxes, things can change a lot in a year. How can they take that income when it was stated that I was no longer working? I just don't get sometimes.

So I will just move on the next hurdle, dancing and pirouetting for them along the way, not to mention the paper work. Gladly will I walk their stage if it helps me move on to something better than where I have been. If only I had a rich ancestor to leave me millions in their will, then I could just travel and report from around the globe.

I leave you with a quote for the dog owners, "To err is human, but to forgive is canine."

Tired

2009-09-07T19:21:00.000-04:00

Labor day, no rest for us. We ended up going to my parents before noon and spent the next few hours splitting and hauling wood. I was hot,sweaty, and tired when we returned home. We both showered and just sat and recovered. It turned out to be another warm day in the lower 80's. At least I remembered sunblock today. For dinner we did grilled burgers and pineapple, a new favorite for us. Lack of motivation kept us from creating anything more to eat, but my Mom gave us some apple pie so we are all set, yummm.

Otherwise my mind is a bit blank so I will leave the writing for another time.

Inside the Open Wound

2009-09-06T22:38:00.005-04:00

This is something I wrote many years ago, it came to me in the middle of the night so I got up and this is the end project. And no, I was not depressed when I wrote this.

Why "Inside the open wound"? Well, if you look at in perspective there are many types of open wounds. You have the physical wound of course, and then there are love wounds, mental wounds, family wounds, sexual wounds, etc. The dictionary I have describes a wound as:
1. An injury, especially on in which the skin or other external organic surface is torn, pierced, cut, or otherwise broken.
2. An injury to the feelings.
We are essentially all open wounds in one way or another. Injury to the feelings leaves a lot open if you think about it. Let's have a look at all our feelings. There is love, anger, lust, pain, guilt, sorrow, excitement, passion, happiness, agitation, disappointment, and more that I can't think of at this moment. Most humans feel at least a few of these a day, and living in such population where you are around people every day, at least once someone will injure one of those feelings.
The healing process is time I suppose, we have all heard the sayings "Time heals all wounds" or "With age comes wisdom." I suppose when we stop feeling or we are dead, we are healed. Kind of morbid I suppose, but life can be morbid sometimes. I find the more I have lived and experienced, the better I can control the injuries. I am scarred from the past and tender the the future, but I still look forward to it. As I said earlier, we are all open wounds waiting to be healed.

Just relaxing

2009-09-06T16:10:00.003-04:00

No, not a heck of a lot going on today, but it is Sunday. The Sunday paper with the comics, coupons, crosswords, and travel section go nicely with a cup of coffee while I am still in my robe. Slowly perusing the paper for articles that jump out at me, and for the sections I read just because. Sunday is also breakfast day, even though it is usually more of a brunch. Today was french toast stuffed with a mixture of cream cheese and home made raspberry jelly. It came out a little sweeter than I prefer, but was edible and pretty darn good. Just another one of my food experimentations. (is that even a word?)

This afternoon has been continuing on the frustrating crossword, watching some bad tv, and doing some laundry. We also had to deal with a locksmith as he accidentally locked the key in the Jetta and it was the only one we have. Not a big deal and insurance should reimburse us. In another week Sunday will turn into football day. We are not joining any pools this year so I am trying to come up with something where we compete with each other. Something in the idea of whoever gets the most points wins and the loser had to do a chore or something for the winner. If anyone has ideas please feel free to help me out, I have 17 weeks worth of winnings to come up with.

So this is my Sunday, a true day of rest and relaxation.

Starting the waiting game

2009-09-04T14:53:00.003-04:00

I went to the orientation to see if I qualify for school, they could not tell me. Not that it was a waste of time, but they gave us pamphlet and went over it and told us what the next step is. Basically I have to apply for a Pell grant and the Pell grant people will send me something saying I have been approved or not approved. Then I have to go and "register" for the No Worker Left Behind program and set an appointment with a career advisor.

I did talk to the instructor after orientaion to see what he had to say about me qualifying. Basically he guessed that I probably would not get a Pell grant because I have no kids and we made too much last year. I don't know how they figure that since our earnings are still in the level of poverty. But he did say that I am still a displaced worker and those are the ones that get to the top of the NWLB list the fastest. So, even though I may not qualify for a Pell grant, there is a good chance I can get it through the other.

Now I start filling out all the forms and get them the information they want, then the waiting begins. Wish me luck.

Indian Summer

2009-09-03T17:48:00.002-04:00

I was up early today and met my sister with a truckload of stuff to donate. My nephew is in the Boy Scouts and they were having a huge yard sale to raise money, I do mean huge too. I was in the process of cleaning out my closets anyway, so instead of Goodwill, I hauled to them. She asked if I wanted to stay and help for a bit. I stayed for 3 1/2 hours and worked my butt off unloading trailers of boxes with donated items, and getting sweaty and sunburned. Do I love my family or what?

Summer has finally arrived, better late than never right? It is getting a bit cold at night, but the days are filled with blue skies and lots of sun. They picked a great time to lay me off, right when summer decided to finally visit. Almost makes me feel like a kid again, having the days to just enjoy and dream. Samson is asking for a walk now since I was gone this morning and we did not go then. These are the kind of demands I like.

The Unseen

2009-09-02T11:44:00.002-04:00

Samson and I went for walk earlier and I retrieved the mail from the mailbox on my way back. I received the letter from Unemployment saying how much I was going to get a week. Not that horrible, but less than I was hoping. I did some quick math and figured if we cut some more corners we would probably be ok. I hope.

This is the kind of thing I would normally stress about all day. What I am going to do? What will we cut next? Will we survive? But not today kiddies, I am going with the notion that something will work out. I am currently writing this blog on my back deck sitting in my lawn chair getting some sun. (much needed too, I am getting pasty white) Why stress about it? It will not help me in the long run. I realize money will be tight, but right now I am going with what the cosmos have thrown at my feet, time off.

I do believe you make your own destiny, but things also happen for a reason. This is giving me the opportunity to think about what I want to do next in my life. It is giving me more time to test my writing habits. And it is giving me time to get those little things done around the house that I normally save for mid winter because it is to cold to go outside.

Tomorrow I can go back to my to-do list, which is growing instead of shrinking. Today I will enjoy what I have been given, a beautiful sunny day and no plans.

Season of the Chickens

2009-09-01T10:46:00.005-04:00

When I was around ten years old my Mom came home with a box of chicks, definitely an impulse buy. Anyway, my Dad had to build a coop and we were eventually going to have fresh chicken. The chicken coop was an A-frame made from old boards that were gray from the elements. There was a long trough inside for their food and an opening in the front leading to a fenced area outside. Looking back it was quite a nice chicken coop.

There were 25 chicks at the beginning, and I believe 17 at the end. We had problems with raccoons and such. One chicken in particular survived an attack and managed the rest of his life with one leg. It was a pretty amazing feat to me at the time.

The problem I had was that I always had pets, and I spent enough time with the chickens to kind of see them as pets too. I was always the one to feed them and had no problems picking them up like they were a cat. It seems I was out at the coop every day watching them grow and interacting as much as you can with a chicken. I don't remember how long it took them to grow, but I do remember when my Dad said they were ready to eat.

Butchering chickens is definitely not for the light hearted. I helped pluck after their heads were off and they had gone in to the big cast iron pot of boiling water. It was a messy project and my sister and I were not real happy to help. It is a wonder I still eat chicken, I know I went awhile after that experience.

It was such a mess and hassle killing and cleaning the chickens that my Mom never did bring home chicks again, thank God. So why do I bring this up? I found some pictures of me as a kid and there it was, one of me holding a chicken and grinning, being the tomboy I was. I love animals enough that I should be a vegetarian, but I guess I am more of a carnivore. Even though I love my steaks, burgers, and chicken, please don't ever introduce me to dinner when it is alive, that definitely takes all the taste out of it.

Bill paying blues

2009-08-31T18:37:00.004-04:00

I just finished paying some bills, scary when you are not sure what your next income will be. And of course taxes are coming up real quick, I hate taxes. Not like they are doing any good, everyone is broke so I am not sure who is getting the money except probably those who don't need it. I have money put away for the taxes, but in these times it would be nice just to have that money sitting there waiting.

Enough whining, I know a lot of people are hurting too. I did go sign up for the program today, I have to go to a seminar on Friday morning to listen and see if I qualify. The program is called No Worker Left Behind and has been going on for a couple years. I know a few people who lost their jobs and ended up joining this and getting their degrees. I am hoping I will join their company soon.

I did manage to get the lawn mowed, but that is not so bad as I enjoy it. I probably spent at least an hour on the rider, it was great. The sun was out and I like just riding back and forth putting the lines in the lawn, kind of like vacuuming but more fun. I also do an area out front in the field, our own little driving range. I did it as a joke, but it really works. I figure I will have time to work on my golf swing now. At least I was able to cross another thing off the to-do list.

So tomorrow will be another project, but I am ok with that. Today I felt like I accomplished something and had fun doing it, rather than being bored at a desk.

Weekend

2009-08-30T19:33:00.003-04:00

The sun was out today, that was pleasant after 2 days of rain. We went to see our friend's band play last night. I drank enough beer to give me a headache this morning, but I was not stumbling drunk. So the headache did slow me down this morning and I could not get back to sleep after waking up at 6am. Many cups of coffee and some breakfast finally shook me out of my grogginess. It is a good thing that I don't do that very often because I think I am just getting to old or to out of practice.
Back to the sun being out, it was nice and I did eventually get some outdoor work done. I made a to-do list to keep my busy while I am laid off. I talked to a friend who is working on her degree and now have hope that I will be able to get on that schooling program for unemployed people. It would be nice to go back and get my degree, I really can't afford it otherwise. We will see what happens when I go tomorrow to talk to someone about it. I will not let myself become lazy just because I am not working.
So here is the end of the weekend and my new adventure starts tomorrow. What will it bring? Good news I hope.

Not TGIF

2009-08-28T19:38:00.004-04:00

I had a big suprise today, I got laid off. It came out of left field, I knew we were a little slower than last year, but it isn't that bad. They say it is only for a little while, but I am having my doubts. My boss did not even have the courage to be there, it was his wife that came in and did it. She is a lot nicer than him so I guess it was better.

So now I wonder about all the crap from this week and wonder if I should have seen this coming? I am scared because I just lost my job, but relieved in a wierd way too. They say that when one door closes another opens, lets just hope that is true. I know I did a good job there, I did everything that was asked and more. I kept the office very organized and clean, so who is to say what is in their heads.

Anyway, wish me luck on my new adventure, whatever that may be.

TGIF

2009-08-28T08:24:00.003-04:00

Thank God it is Friday, and I truly mean that. It is morning and I am hoping this day goes better than yesterday. My boss was in a snit yesterday. I managed to bypass it and have a pretty good day until the end when he said one little thing. Something inside me just snapped, but I did not do anything. I finished up the last half hour and headed home, stopping on the the way for some chocolate of course. I fumed all the way home, and some jerk tailgating me the whole way did not help either. So by the time I got home I was tense and irritable, no fun whatsoever.

I took the dog for a walk right away attempting to wind down, it worked a little. Usually I don't let myself get that worked up over work, I mean it is not like they are my best friends. I always try to keep my home life seperate from my work life. So why did I let it get to me this time? Was the mental abuse just to much this week? I don't know, but I do know that he needs to get out of his funk.

So that is why I did not write last night, it would have just sounded crazy. (As if this doesn't, right?) What I need is to get away from him, but I would feel bad throwing away a job when there are so few available.

Anyway, here's to Friday. Everybody feels better on Friday, don't they? And even though they are predicting a cold, rainy weekend, I will just be glad I am not a work.

Walking the dog

2009-08-26T18:30:00.006-04:00

It was a beautiful afternoon here, the sun was shining and the breeze was blowing. I got off work a little early and decided to go for a nice long walk with my dog, he thought it would be a good idea also. Even though there is not a heck of a lot to do in this tiny town, there are certain things I would miss. I would miss being able to walk the dog on a dirt road with nothing but the sounds of your footsteps and the breeze rustling the leaves. I would miss seeing the old barn and farmhouse we pass on said dirt road. I would miss the natural beauty of the untouched field at the end.

One of those days...

2009-08-25T18:48:00.004-04:00

It was one of those days, a Murphys Law day, but not really directed at me. I was a bystander who just got caught up in the wave. My boss was having one of those days. There were no phones and only half the office had power when I arrived this morning. Their main computer was working and I ran an extension cord to mine, no big deal really. I also re-routed the power to the phones and got them up and running. But a mishap happened in the shop causing them to lose a lot of time and put everyone behind.
Before I go to far, I should explain my boss. He is a great guy to the customers, but as soon as they are gone he becomes Mr. Depresso or Mr. Stresso. I believe he could be a manic depressive or something. It is like working with Jekyll and Hyde half the time. Everybody is so used to his mood swings that they just put up with it. It is hard not to get stressed, but I just try to smile and laugh and wait for it to pass.
I would like to find a new job, but there are not a lot available right now and I really need the paycheck. So I deal with the mad scientist and keep my mind in tune with other things so he doesn't' drive me nuts.
Anyway, as these little earthquakes are happening to him he stresses and frets and accuses and just carries on in general. I keep waiting for the heart attack to happen any day now. Then as he winds down his shoulders slump and he looks as if someone ran over his dog, shuffling from one spot to another looking for pity for his oh so awful day. It is frustrating dealing with him when this is happening, but at the end of the day I just have to laugh. This is a man in his 50's acting this way, makes me wonder what his mother would say.
So now I am at home, relaxed and can smile about the events of the day. Hopefully it will change soon, but for now I smile and nod.

You can pick your friends, but not your family

2009-08-24T19:28:00.003-04:00

So I have a younger relative who seems to just want to drive everyone nuts lately. Yes, she is a teenager. She used to be so much fun to hang around, we always got along very well. Now it seems that her friends rule her life and push her to make stupid decisions and think her family is just awful. She had it easy growing up, trust me. I swear that sometimes I just want to bitch slap the whole lot of them and tell them to get over themselves. I remember being a teenager and try to carry that when listening to her, but I don't remember ever being that bad. Maybe I am just getting old.
So on to the kids of today issue, are they spoiled little brats? Not all, but they have lost the fear. I respected my parents because I also had some fear of them. Kids have no fear of their parents today, they just threaten to call 911 when not getting their way. I don't support child abuse, but some of these kids could use a good butt kicking.
In our efforts to stop abuse have we leaned to far the other way? Why is it so hard to find a happy medium? When did the government start getting involved in the way you raise your kids?
I know some people are probably asking "why do you care, you don't have kids?" I may not have them, but I still have to deal with them in public. If I acted the way some of them do today, my Mom would have slapped me up side the head, and I would have deserved it.
So how do I deal with this younger relative? For now I tell her what a butt head she is being and tell her to grow up and get over herself, while patiently waiting for reality to catch up with her.

Inglorious Basterds

2009-08-23T19:06:00.005-04:00

We went and saw Inglorious Basterds today. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, the first 2 hours went by very quickly. Brad Pitt did a great job, as did everyone else in the film. It is much more funny than the previews let on, and not near as much gore as I expected. It was definitely a Tarantino movie, I will just leave it at that. I don't want to give too much away just in case someone actually reads this and has not seen it yet.
Otherwise it was a pleasant Sunday, but the weatherman lied again and there was no sun until this evening. I made a pasta sauce with tomatos, fresh basil, garlic, oregano, and onion. It did not come out that bad, I basically heated it by tossing it with the cooked pasta. With some fresh grated parmesean it tasted very fresh. I am just getting into cooking italian sauces and sometimes I like to just experiment by throwing stuff together.
It is time to water the garden and see if anymore is ready to be picked.

Worn out Saturday

2009-08-22T19:54:00.003-04:00

I accomplished very little today. I stayed up late reading a book and woke up with a monster headache. After taking pills every few hours it is finally diminishing. The weather is definately not August weather, only reached about 65 deg at best, very gray and cloudy. This definately did not make me want to jump out of bed running either.
On the bright side, grocery shopping was done and there is food in the house agian. We had tacos for dinner, nothing fancy, just shells meat, cheese, and sour cream. That is what is nice about it just being the two of us, no requirements to make a healthy meal when we are just in the mood for fast and easy. Thank you Ortega.
So I will continue on with an uneventful evening, but sometimes lying around in sweatpants and watching bad movies is just what I need to recharge. I guess I will go "plug in".

To Short A Life

2009-08-21T16:21:00.003-04:00

I was just reading an article about a multi-car accident locally where four people died. They were not the cause of the accident, just the effect. They were all under 25, two of them brothers. I can't imagine what their family must be going through. The news is not releasing the name of the car driver that crossed the center line and started the horrible mess.
It happened at 4:30pm, why would he have crossed the center line? Talking on his cell phone? Texting? Drunk? I am sure it will all come out in due time and he will be stuck living with the deaths on his conscious.
Reading this really made me think that there might not be a tomorrow. It puts in perspective of what really matters in your life. No one else can tell you what matters most in your life, only you know.
So, say "I love you" to the people who matter in your life on a regular basis, you may not get to tomorrow.
Take time to do all those things you want to do and don't be afraid to live, you might not be able to tomorrow.

Rain, rain, go away...

2009-08-20T15:54:00.004-04:00

It is raining, agian. It has rained a lot this summer, as a matter of fact this summer has been downright crummy. I can probably count the number of days it was over 80 in the last month on one hand. I am praying for a mild winter. Craziness will ensue if we have another long winter after such a short summer, at least it will for me. Why do I stay in this area with the cold you ask? Family would be the number one reason I guess, pets that I could not just leave. I am sure I could come up with many others, but it also comes down to not knowing where in the heck to go.
How does a person go about finding a spot that fits their nature? Traveling to different towns and looking around was my answer. Someone told me that usually when a person wants to move they just do it, and I think they are probably right. But I am a research person, being I look up whatever I can on my destination before leaving. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it is better just to wing it.
I do often picture myself on an island, working at one of those little hut places on the beach. After many sunburns I imagine my fair skin would eventually tan. Isn't that what the big floppy hats are for anyway?
So I will end this now, daydreaming of the sun and beach, the soft whoosh of the ocean waves, the smell of the salt water, aaahhhhh......

Something New

2009-08-19T19:54:00.000-04:00

So I decided to take this writing class online and today was the first lesson. What am I hoping to accomplish? Not sure yet, just sounded right. I like to write, obviously or I would not have started a blog. I love to read and would like to be able to write even an article that just grabs reader's attention.
Actually this blog is part of the process, of writing something every day just for the sake of writing. It might not always make sense, but at least I tried. Samson (my dog) just agreed with me as he nudged my elbow with his nose looking for some petting.
But it is later than I thought and still have things to accomplish, such is life.

Jimmy Buffet

2009-08-18T21:27:00.000-04:00

We went and saw Jimmy Buffet at DTE Theater last Thursday. It was our first Jimmy Buffet concert experience. I am glad we spent the money and went as it was one of the most enjoyable concerts I have ever seen.
We did the shuttle service with the hotel we stayed at and let me tell you that it was worth every penny. We were able to walk to our shuttle van beyond the gate as car after car lined up at the exit. I was able to get some great pictures during the show and we drank and danced and had a great time. My only problem is I am short (under 5'), so half the time I am searching for a hole in crowd to see the stage. I was fortunate enough at this concert to have one 90% of the time.
So in the end, if anyone is thinking of going to see a Buffet concert, do it. He sounds great and puts on a heck of a show.

Starting Up

2009-08-18T18:30:00.000-04:00

So I have started a blog, but do I have anything to say? It seems that I do run into writers block when I am staring at a blank screen. I guess I will start off about me, I just found out today that my hours at work are cut down, bummer. At the same time I am still glad to have a job as so many people in my area are without. I have no kids, nothing against them, just not for me. I am in my mid-late 30's and married, we just wed in June.
We have a large dog and two cats to keep us busy. The profile picture is of Raiju, a wonderful cat I had for almost 10 years until she succumbed to kidney failure two years ago. She was one of the most unique animals I have ever had, a truly one of a kind personality. I still miss her and like to keep her memory alive by using her name.
I guess that is it for now. Until later.